I wish my gf would just bust me

I really want her to just nail me in the nuts any chance she can get. I know it’s partly my fault that I haven’t really admitted I’m into ball busting. She’s knows I’m a little into cbt, but it’s just squeezing or very light slapping. Unfortunately I can’t outright tell her or it may cause problems. She knows I like having my balls squeezed, but I rarely get it. I’m starting to think she resents me for having this fetish. Sometimes she’ll hit me in the balls, and I’ll leave myself wide open, but I really want her to kick them or knee them. Just a small rant, maybe looking for some advice