Music Advice

I’m not gonna go into the whole reasoning, but just know that I am not a good person. Anyway, I can’t kill myself because it would really fuck up my family and they haven’t done anything to deserve that. I’ve tried self harm but that just doesn’t work either (it reminds me of my ex it’s a whole thing). Anyways, I’m lying in bed right now dreading when I fall asleep and have nightmares so I’m trying to listen to music. I feel like shit right now and I’d like some suggestions on songs I should listen to that will make me feel more like shit