I Assaulted My Girlfriend

In around mid January I was with my girlfriend and things were heating up (or at least I thought they were) and I wasn’t doing anything we hadn’t done before, but she never actually consented that time and it traumatized her and she broke up with me and has been messaging me from different numbers ever since just to fuck with me and I used to think I was a good person but that was when I was with her and she was the only person I could talk to and then I had to go assault her like that and all my fucking friends know and they don’t talk to me as much and often make these little remarks reminding me that I did that and I just want to fucking kill myself. It’s it just my ex girlfriend, but I’ve been an overall negative impact on everyone I’ve ever met but my family would never understand that and I’m so imbedded in their lives that killing myself would only make things worse at this point. I wish I was just never born because merely existing hurts those around me but killing myself would hurt them even more and this is a fucking run on sentence and I’m a shitty writer too. I have no talents and exist for the sole purpose of hurting people. Ugh!!! KILL MEEEEE!!!!!! (Also I’m sorry for whoever decides to read this)