I Assaulted My Girlfriend and I’m Really Considering Ending It

I accidentally assaulted my girlfriend back in January. We weren’t doing anything we hadn’t before and she didn’t say anything, but she didn’t consent that time and broke up with me a few days later. I found out later that she was actually super traumatized by that incident. Anyways, it’s not just that. All my friends know and talk to me less because of it. It also made me realize how I always manage to inevitably hurt everyone around me and the world would be a much better place without me in it. No matter what I try to do to improve myself, it always ends up hurting people. I wish I was never born so I wouldn’t be in this situation and the only thing stopping me from ending it is knowing that my friends and family would never recognize how much I’ve hurt them over the years and how much me continuing to exist negatively affects them. They would miss me despite that and I can’t put them through that. Anyways, I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot these past couple days and came on here for advice I guess? I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I wish less people loved me so I could just do it already. Also as soon as I looked at some other posts here I realized it’s a lot of people who were raped or sexually assaulted and I realized even more what a piece of shit I am. Feel free to tell me more about how shitty I am and encourage me to end it.