The Fantastic Four — Marvel Busting #2

This is the second entry entry in "**The Ballbusting History of the Marvel Universe**." [This link](https://www.reddit.com/user/MarvelBusting/comments/1mcj7n0/the_ballbusting_history_of_the_marvel_universe/) contains an updated running list of the entries I have written so far. This will be a very long-term project, so please be patient with me! Breaks may be long and erratic.

Please comment below if you have any thoughts! Suggestions of any kind are welcome, whether about writing or thoughts on future characters/events. Even just general thoughts, since engagement encourages me to write more!

***

Bright and early the next morning, four figures stood in front of a NASA storehouse, its carefully guarded prototype rocket glistening in the dawn’s light like a massive, phallic testament to the scientific prowess of mankind.

Reed Richards, the smartest man alive. Benjamin Grimm, perhaps the greatest test pilot the world has seen. Susan Storm, dominatrix extraordinaire. And Johnny Storm… Sue’s brother.

Johnny strolled casually around the front area. “So, Big Brain, hi-tech guarded facility, how are you planning to get through all the security and into the rocket? Got some fancy gizmo thing that freak head o’ yours cooked up?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I—” Reed’s monologue was interrupted by a little *oomph* as Johnny doubles over and grimaces, Sue retracting her backhand from his nether regions. She smiled a dainty little smile at him: “You might be my brother, but you don’t get to talk that way to my boyfriend. Got it?”

Johnny glared at her, agape. “*Boyfriend??* I thought he was just a client, when did you two start—”

“Enough!” Ben interrupted. “We don’t have time for this. Reed, how do we get in?”

“Well, yes. As I was saying, I have invented this device here that should sent a message to every security personnel still on the premises telling them they have an urgent summons to a different, distant location. After that we can simply waltz in and and activate the rocket. We’ll be up in no time, and we’ll land it just where we came and make sure no property is damaged, and then we’ll be on our way out peacefully before anyone returns.”

“Sounds like a plan, Big Brain,” Sue said. “Let’s move in.”

Johnny sputtered in confusion at the double standard as he limps, following the others inside. “Oh great, so *she* gets to call him Big Brain huh…”

---

The new team strolled through the facility, Reed taking in the wondrous scientific sights. This building is a hotbed for Earth’s cutting edge space exploration technology — albeit much of it developed by Reed himself. As they made their way towards the rocket, much like Reed promised, the building was indeed empty — no employees in sight.

“So, are we sure this rocket here is functional, Reed?” Ben commented. “Wouldn’t want to run into some nasty complications or blow up on launch or something.”

Reed nodded confidently. “I’ve analyzed the plans, and everything seems sound, and I had a friend who works here make sure that everything on the rocket is *exactly* as designated on the blueprints. So the rocket should be absolutely safe, this trip should be absolutely smooth, and so we can all just relax a little and enjoy the fascinating sights around us.”

Sue, Johnny, and Ben looked around skeptically, trying to see whatever it is Reed saw in these things. They were mostly unsuccessful, seeing gizmos and gadgets where Reed found meaning, gears and batteries with rather unclear meaning. Sue did find one research corner that Reed seemed to not to have noticed had *some* rather familiar pieces of “technology”: she noticed a clamp, for instance, designed to tighten around a hand-sized object upon being cranked, and she was *pretty* sure she knew what it was for, and it wasn’t for rocket building… but she decided to spare the 3 boys the embarrassment of pointing it out.

At last, they reached the docking station, and with a swipe of Reed’s card they were in. As they walked in, however, they heard a, “Hey! This is a classified area! Are you authorized for entry?”

Reed began to panic. This wasn’t supposed to happen! All the guards should have been cleared out by now.

Sue raised her eyebrow at Reed and sighed. Sometimes he really overthought things…

She walked towards the rocket’s door as casually as possible as Reed warned her, “Sue! That’s a security guard! We’re in trouble now!”

Sue rolled her eyes and continued walking. The security guard stepped in front of the door. He said, “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you t—*mph*” and then he keeled over onto the ground in pain as Sue casually tapped him below the belt.

The three men in her life instinctively covered themselves as she looked back at them. “You know, Reed, sometimes the answer is more obvious than it seems.”

Reed winced in sympathy at the security guard holding himself on the floor, and then after Sue, the three of them loaded themselves up into the rocket, ready to reach for the stars.

---

There were, conveniently, 4 seats, arranged in two rows of two, so Ben and Johnny took the front two seats as pilot and co-pilot, while Reed and Sue sat in the back to watch. They strapped into their seats, which involved taking a seatbelt-like mechanism across their torso, and another one that came out from between their legs and clipped into the torso belt, much like a harness. The last belt was… *uncomfortable* for the boys, to say the least, and Sue smirked as Reed shifted uncomfortably next to her with the crotch belt tightened.

“You sure you don’t need that tightened for you, babe?” Sue asked innocently.

“No — I should be good, thanks,” Reed replied in a strained voice.

Sue smiled. “Well, if you say so. Just remember that this rocket goes as high as at least 3 G’s during acceleration…”

Perhaps it was just her imagination, but Reed definitely looked a little green.

Ben called from the front. “THREE. TWO. ONE. AND…. LIFTOFF!”

All four of our fantastic heroes felt a burst of gravity, pushed against the floor of the rocket, and they shot up towards the sky. There was something truly beautiful about it. Through the glass panel before them, the familiar human ground fell away and the depths of the endless sky rushed forth. It was daytime, and yet before long they could see the stars as the sky fell away. An endless field of beautiful, twinkling light, unlike anything human eyes had ever set forth upon before. And then, rushing towards them, belts of rainbow color that had never been visible to the naked eye before.

Sue could see tears in Reed’s eyes, and she was sure it wasn’t *just* the pressure on his crotch from the seatbelt. “It’s… gorgeous.”

They flew through the colored belts, and all four of them witnessed sights never before seen and never since seen. There was a refracting quality to the bands as if they could see the light of all the universe concentrated into slits and then given to them in glimpses.

Their cosmic tranquil didn’t quite last, however, as Johnny called from the front: “guys… I feel weird… and not so good…”

Sue frowned. She didn’t feel anything yet, so she only had one guess. “We’re pretty safe now, you can unbuckle the harness if it’s straining your… junk.”

“No, it’s not that sis, it’s just… everything feels off. And bad…”

Then it hit the other three of them, suddenly and all at once. An intense migraine, splitting their head open, muscle soreness absolutely everywhere, and worst of all, an awful stomach ache threatening to send their lunch back up, a vague, indescribable pain that seemed to hit everywhere in the abdomen. Sue had no way of knowing personally, but given how it forced her to curl up in the fetal position she had to guess this was probably what it must feel like to get hit in the nuts for a boy.

Reed, through all the pain, finally began thinking critically about the wonders around him. Colored belts… colored belts… his eyes widened. *Radiation belts!*

“BEN! GET US HOME. NOW! AND DON’T GO THROUGH THE BELTS AGAIN!”

Ben shouted back in agony, “Okay, everyone strap in! And Reed… I’m getting us home, but there’s no way to do it without going through the belts…”

So, through the pain and the haze the crew strapped themselves back in and Ben threw the rocket back in the direction they came from, through the belts. The crew held onto their armrests for dear life, except for Sue, who, purely out of habit for when she was stressed, reached over and held onto Reed’s balls for dear life.

---

The rocket landed safely, and the four new astronauts staggered out. Reed began babbling immediately. “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry, this was all my fault. Some have hypothesized that above the Earth there are belts of radiation… I think that’s what we saw up there. We absolutely should never have gone up without radiation protection… it’s possible the radiation has done things to our DNA we may not even notice. Don’t worry, I’ll have us all checked for cancer, and—”

Suddenly Reed’s outburst was cut short as he stares at his best friend, Benjamin Grimm, who no longer resembles anything human. Instead, he looks like… a rock. A great, big, orange humanoid rock. “WHAT?” the rock grumbled.

“Ben, you’re… you’re a rock.” Johnny stammered.

“WHAT! THAT’S RIDICULOUS! I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!” Ben shouted and stomped the ground with such ferocity that the ground cracks, and then suddenly he realizes what it means that he can do that. Ben looked down at his own hands with horror and sees… a rocky, orange texture. “I’m a monster…”

“You can’t possibly say that, Ben,” Reed comforted his friend. “No matter what you looked like, you’ll always be a part of our family,” and as he said this Reed patted his best friend on the back.

The only issue was that Reed was standing three feet away from Ben.

Johnny’s eyes widen in terror as Reed too notices what he’s just done. “What… how is this possible.” Reed pulls his hand back, then once again stretches it three feet. He tries again, now with his neck, and finds he can push his neck a dozen feet into the air.

Johnny gasps. “That’s… that’s impossible!” and as he begins speaking his eyes burst with flame, followed by his entire body, and he shoots into the air as a human flame, zipping around the facility dangerously. “HOOO BOY! I CAN FLY! I’M A FIRE! HOOOOO BOYYY!” he shouts in exuberance before eventually finding his footing on the floor once again.

Reed looks around all of a sudden. “Wait, but where’s—”

Reed then feels two hands on his shoulders. Two soft, familiar hands, who have been on his shoulders many times. And then — the familiar follow-up. *WHUMP!* A knee pistoned straight into his nuts, sending his entire now-stretchy body springing backwards and then back into place and the now most flexible man in the world writhes in pain on the floor. And then, before him, a person appears. Sue Storm. *Appears* as in literally appears out of thin air.

“*That* was for bringing us on an experimental flight and exposing us to dangerous levels of radiation.” Sue then leaned forward and kissed Reed on the forehead. “And *that* was for me gaining the power of invisibility — so I can knee any man in the balls and they won’t even know what hit them.”

To any outsider looking at the facility that day, it would look as if a rock and a flame walked out, helping a limping scientist. But that is, at best, three fourths of the story.

---

The radiation contained in the belts around Earth have given our four fantastic friends great superpowers! Now Reed Richards is the stretchy **Mister Fantastic**, Ben Grimm is **The Thing**, Johnny Storm is the **Human Torch**, and of course, Sue Storm is the **Invisible Girl**.

Together, they are the **Fantastic Four!**

But the cosmic event that created the Fantastic Four had one additional impact as well, unlike in the canon Marvel Universe. You see, while during the inciting incident of our universe these cosmic powers projected themselves onto our heroes, our heroes also projected a little bit of themselves onto the cosmic powers, thus inciting a universe of adventures to follow! But most importantly, Sue’s nature of ballbusting, of having no compassion whatsoever for any testicles around her, has also imprinted itself upon this universe. And, with this divergence from the traditional Marvel Universe, we have a new universe born: **The Marvel Ballbusting Universe!**