Namor the Sub-Mariner — Marvel Ballbusting #3
This is the third issue of "**The Ballbusting History of the Marvel Universe**." [This link](https://www.reddit.com/user/MarvelBusting/comments/1mcj7n0/the_ballbusting_history_of_the_marvel_universe/) contains an updated running list of the entries I have written so far. This will be a very long-term project, so please be patient with me! Breaks may be long and erratic — for instance, there's been a long gap since the last story, but I promise I haven't stopped thinking about this and planning!
Please comment below with any feedback on the story, or ideas about future stories or characters or anything, or even just general thoughts! It really encourages me to continue writing, and I hope for this to turn into a long-form story like some of the other great ones on this sub. So far, I think I'm very happy with how issue 3 turned out and it's the one I'm most proud of yet.
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The Fantastic Four were now well-established in the world, and had already gained renown across the world, defeating whatever extranormal threats had faced the planet since their emergence. The world gawked at the brilliance of Reed Richards, **Mister Fantastic**. Children squealed in delight at the hulking form of Ben Grimm, **The Thing**. Young men and women around the world gaped at the fiery hot Johnny Storm, the **Human Torch**. And of course, women around the world drew inspiration from the heroic Sue Storm, the **Invisible Girl** (and more than a few of their husbands clutched their jewels from some of the stories they’d heard…).
To her credit, although it seemed like her powers were primary defensive, not as overtly punchy as the rest, the Invisible Girl had already proven her worth to the team. When the Mole Man tried to stage an invasion, while the three boys fended off his nefarious subterranean creatures, Sue, completely invisible, stormed down to his underground lair, completely invisible herself, and squeezed his nuts until he sobbed out to empty air an agreement to retreat with his forces. The poor man (literally) did not know what hit him. When Miracle Man boasted his power’s were greater than that of the Fantastic Four, and kidnapped Sue to prove it, she quickly showed him that as a man, his powers were absolutely *not* greater than hers — at least, not between the legs. And when the Skrulls from outer space came to Earth, a shapeshifting species that tried to frame the Fantastic Four by impersonating them, what Sue quickly learned about them was that if a Skrull shapeshifts into a man with balls… *well, balls are balls.*
As the Fantastic Four headed back from their latest challenge, the defeat of Miracle Man, the crowd around them cheers, the now-famed near-celebrities cheering them on for their heroic deeds. Reed bashfully did his best to avoid the attention, and, although she secretly enjoyed it more than a little bit, Sue made little fanfare out of it as well, out of respect for Reed. Ben, however, had no such qualms.
“AYYY, that’s right! We beat the snot outta that dime store stupid magician character! And how about it! He really thinks he can beat THE FANTASTIC FOUR?!” the giant rock whooped victoriously, the crowd eating it up. Sue rolled her eyes as he flexed at them and they went wild.
One member of the family was noticeably missing: the Torch himself. Johnny had thrown a bit of a tantrum after the defeat of Miracle Man; he had been feeling for some time that he hadn’t been getting enough credit in this family. It wasn’t just *those three* that had beaten the Miracle Man — he had helped too! (Although, admittedly, Sue’s foot and the Miracle Man’s balls were particularly important.) But after he testily confronted them about wanting more appreciation, Sue, having had absolutely enough that day, rolled her eyes and tapped her flaming baby brother between the nuts, and the great, strong Human Torch’s eyes crossed and his hands cupped his balls as he faltered and struggled to stand. After a good long rest, he finally regained the strength to flame on and went off in a huff, thinking he had no intention of going back to the rest of the group for quite a while, if ever.
As the rest of the family celebrated, Johnny found himself in an old seaside bar, and he watched lazily as a commotion began on the other side of the bar. A bunch of young bikers or something were trying to beat up on an old bearded man, but the man seemed surprisingly strong and easily held his own, pushing them all away and leaving them on the ground with broken noses, jaws, and fingers. All of a sudden one of the bikers looked particularly frustrated, and he—no, *she*, Johnny realized—strode up to the old bearded man confidently and SLAMMED her knee into his nuts. His unaffected apathy was replaced with a wide-eyed agony with an *oomph* as he folded around her knee and then fell to the ground, defeated, and the biker girl smirked in victory, gave his nuts another soft kick, and then headed out with her gang.
Johnny winced in sympathy pains, knowing what that’s like, and he headed over cautiously to the man, still writhing under the table.
“Here,” Johnny offered, “have a beer, old fellow.”
The man got up and looked at him slightly suspiciously, and then, with a grunt, gingerly raised himself into the chair and accepted the drink. As Johnny looked at him, something seemed eerily familiar, behind the beard.
“Say—do I know you, mister?” Johnny began. But the man made no indication he’d heard Johnny. Slowly, compelled by who-knows-what, Johnny slowly reached towards the man’s beard… and began to singe it off with his flame, and still the man made no move to stop him, with slightly glazed eyes and that expression unaffected by anything except a hard thump in the nuts. Ever so slowly as the beard burned off, the man’s face became more and more familiar until finally… with a start of great terror, Johnny recognized it.
This was… **Namor the Sub-Mariner**! Prince of Atlantis, ruler of the sea!
As Johnny realizes this, Namor twisted around, and leapt for the sea. Before he even landed, a whirlpool of water rises up to catch him, and he floated majestically above the pier, buoyed by the water below him and sneering at Johnny.
“Puny land-dweller, you understand not the magnitude of what you have done. For it is I, Namor, free of my landly shackles, and soon all you land-dwellers will remember the power of the sea! For you have treated me very poorly, but no more — now it is my turn to return the favor!”
And with a whoosh and a splash he was gone.
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Johnny, realizing the grave error he had committed, realized his only choice was to trudge back to the Fantastic Four, and so trudge he did. Shamefully, he admitted to Reed and Sue what had happened, and of course, they happily welcomed him back. Ben gave him a wallop on the back that, despite his size and rockiness, didn’t really hurt all that much, and Sue gave him a little sisterly tap which… definitely did.
“Don’t worry, dear… trust me, men have done much stupider things for male sympathy — it’s a strange phenomenon but I’ve seen it a thousand times over,” Sue said, trying her best to comfort him, although it always came off slightly emasculatingly.
As some nice sentiments were thrown around, however, Reed reminded the family: “We can’t forget now: Namor the Sub-Mariner lives! And he has waged war on the human race! It’s only a matter of time until he launches his assault, so we have to be prepared. Let’s take the Fantasticar and head to the pier where Johnny first saw him. Perhaps there we will find clues to the rest of his plan, or perhaps he will already be making his assault!”
Thus the First Family jumped into the Fantasticar and rushed down to the pier. As they did, Sue asked Reed what could have possibly made Namor so angry.
Reed responded sadly, “Namor’s home, Atlantis, now lies in radioactive ruin, a casualty of nuclear testing. Everything he stood for, everything he was born for, was ruined by human hands. In some ways, it makes sense that he wants to destroy everything *we* stand for. In some ways, it’s even fair.”
As they approached the pier, there was a moment of silence among the Four as they thought about what their species had put Namor through. But they were shaken from their reverie as they had only just parked in the peer to see the waters before them swirling and waves crashing onto the shore at an unprecedented scale. Reed had seen studied the ocean for years, and he knew for sure — no natural waves were that large. This could only be the doing of the Prince of Atlantis. Just then, it struck Reed — what Namor’s plan must have been as soon as he got free. The Horn of Proteus! One of Namor’s allies, Giganto, “the largest living thing in all the world,” could only be summoned with the Horn of Proteus. Should Giganto have survived, one of Namor’s first thoughts would surely have been to rouse him from his slumber to take vengeance on the human race.
And just then, Reed saw him. Rising from the water, carried on a spindly sprout, rose the form of Namor, Prince of Atlantis — and, just as Reed suspected, holding a horn in right hand. Reed quickly started explaining the situation to the other three to catch them up to speed on the main objective: to get the horn away from him.
Sue saw Namor at about the same time as Reed. But her reaction was totally different. Where Reed calculated and analyzed Namor’s plan and how best to combat him, the only thing Sue analyzed was… *that body*. Namor was sculpted like a *god*. It almost hurt her to witness how hot he was. I mean, Reed impressed Sue, especially since his stretching, but seeing Namor’s body made Sue feel… different. Like something visceral and primal inside her wanted him. His sculpted, shirtless torso, his dripping muscles with bulging veins, and *that bulge.*
Sue half snapped out of it when she heard Reed’s voice, and she realized what she had to do. Much easier than fighting Namor for the horn would be for Sue to simply turn invisible and take it. Plus… it was an excellent excuse to get closer to him… so Sue turned invisible, signalling to Ben, who lifted her onto his back and, then, with a grunt and a push, launched her into the air, sailing towards Namor atop his water spout. She flew closer to him, reaching for the horn, before she realizing she had far too much momentum, and was barely going to be able to grab the horn. Unless… she grabbed onto him to stop him. Well, if she *had* to…
Sue flew towards Namor and grabbed onto him, and then lifted the horn, ready to take off, but either because of Namor’s lightning-fast reflexes, or because Sue spent a few half-moments too long clinging to his firm chest, Namor grabbed onto her like a clamp — and he was very, *very* strong.
“Ah, an invisible girl, hm? The land dwellers have their surprises, we can grant them that. But I saw you before you became invisible, girl. I saw a beauty that made all the pearls in all the seas seem to shine just a little duller now that I’ve seen you. Come with me. Be Queen of Atlantis. Unmask yourself, ghostly one.”
Reed stirred with alarm. “Hey now—”
Sue turned visible.
Sue had been with Reed for some time now, and they had gone exclusive recently, so these feelings were wrong but… Namor was *so strong*. His grip so firm — he was holding her above the world with almost one just one hand. It was almost a warm embrace as she stared at him. But Sue had a duty, to the human race, and she had only just met this strange man from the sea…
“I’m sorry, I don’t think—”
“Shhhh,” Namor said. “Be my bride. There is nothing I have ever wanted more. Forget this man. Be my bride and I will spare these surface dwellers.”
Sue frowned now, she didn’t love his tone. “That man is my boyfriend — he’s been my exclusive, *loyal* pair of balls for months now and I’m not turning my back on him now. And spare the surface dwellers? Do you think I’m some helpless artifact to be traded as a geopolitical pawn?”
Namor chuckled cockily. “I could crush man in war in but a few measly hours. This is not a threat — merely a warning. All I am saying is if you join me that won’t be necessary. And as for balls,” Namor’s eyes gestured down to that bulge, “I think you’ll find this pair of balls a *more* than satisfactory replacement.”
Sue gave Namor a stormy look. “Is that so?” Namor smirked confidently.
“Then allow me to give it a *test run*!” Sue yelled out as she her knee rocketed forth into that bulge Namor was so proud of, a far stronger knee than she had given Reed, probably ever.
The world grew still for a moment, the other three staring in awe above, as Sue’s knee planted itself with a wet THWAP right between Namor’s legs. His eyes crossed and he let forth a high keel, and his knees knocked together as Sue held her knee between his legs. Namor could swear he heard a crunch in there somewhere. Sue and Namor hovered there a little a longer, a symbolic picture of femininity and masculinity, respectively. Sue, back straight and confident, her knee jutting forth into a pair of testicles; and Namor, eyes wide with agony and knees like jelly, folded over a woman half his size, his toned, ripped body totally useless in the face of his weakness.
“Perhaps you could crush man in hours,” Sue smirked. “But make no mistake — any woman could crush you in moments.”
Unable to control himself anymore, Namor released Sue and the water spouts holding them collapsed to the ground as Namor hit the water with a violent splash, defeated (that had to hurt — but he probably couldn’t even feel it in this state…) and Johnny quickly flamed on and flew up to catch Sue before she could fall to the ground.
Reed smiled a sigh of relief. “Choosing me over him, huh? Thank go—”
Sue flicked a backhand into Reed’s nuts and he grunted. “Don’t push it. Believe me, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to see those chiseled abs one more time. If we’re lucky, maybe I will. But be his bride? Please—if he’ll be my toy, then maybe we can talk,” and she strode off confidently, hips swaying, and Reed wondered one more time what he had gotten into. Would Sue really leave him for a man more muscular and handsome? Had he endured all this ballbusting for nothing? His nuts ached at the thought, and he prayed she changed her mind, or that he never saw that man from the sea again.
But of course, Namor was far from gone, and already thinking about how to take his revenge on those above the sea.
… after his balls dropped back down, that is. It’s hard to plot world domination while floating in the sea in fetal position, clutching your nads.