Embracing the Fog

My journey into this digital haze started as a casual habit, but lately, it has evolved into a complete lifestyle shift that I no longer try to fight. I used to spend my mornings focused on my training schedule and keeping my GPA up, but now, the second I’m back in my dorm and the door is locked, the world outside just stops existing. There’s a specific kind of rush that comes from letting the hours melt away while staring at a screen, pushing past the point of exhaustion until my brain feels completely heavy and slow. That old feeling of needing to be productive has been replaced by a constant, buzzing need to stay submerged in the visuals, finding deeper and more intense rabbit holes to fall down until I can barely remember what I was supposed to be doing.

What really amplified the thrill was realizing I could bring others into this headspace with me. I’ve started seeking out people who claim they’re trying to "clean up their act" or stay disciplined, and I find a twisted sort of satisfaction in being the one to break that resolve. There’s something incredibly addictive about watching someone go from being firm in their "recovery" to losing themselves in the same fog that I live in. Seeing them cave and realize they’d rather stay in the pit than deal with reality is a massive ego boost. I’m leaning into the chaos now, letting the responsibilities of my engineering major and my athletic commitments take a back seat to the pure, mindless pleasure of the sink.