Abigail's First Self Defense Class of the Season

*Contains castration and much rupture.*

*This story was written so that it is entirely dialogue by one character, so if you are so inclined I recommend putting into your text to speech software of choice.*

Welcome to self defense ladies and, uh, men. It is good to see that everyone read the dress code, self defense basics are best learned in tight gym clothing and barefoot. Anyways, I am Abigail, the instructor for this class and next to me is Olga my head student, yes she is very tall but do not worry she does not bite, but she can stomp gonads into soup better than me so careful where your eyes wander boys.

For our first class of the season I will demonstrate how to be safe in class. So men, stop looking to hungrily at your peers, these ladies will soon know how to crack eggs, stop it with the gazing. You, boy in the bulging white shorts, come over here and face me with your back against the wall. No speaking boy, the class will learn by watching you. Now ladies, pin the attackers arms behind his back like this, then use your body to force him against the wall, be sure to use one hand to hold his head back, we do not want him to headbutt.

Now that I have you pinned I can explain. Your erection is disrespectful, and you are a stupid man for not wearing a cup to my class. Your bulge and unprotected gonads are proof of that. So now, your eggs, I am going to crack them. Ladies look at this idiot, he is wearing a jock strap but no cup under his shorts. That is okay though, I prefer the gonads to be well supported and not moving around so much when I work on them. Listen up boy! This is my class, those eggs are mine now and I will do what I want with them, so I am going to make your gonads into soup! Alright ladies, from this position I raise my knee and crack the eggs, next I take my free hand and grab the groin, squeeze it, and push it. Now that I know both eggs are not slipping away I squeeze harder, scrambling the eggs. I let go now and check that the eggs are scrambled with a slap. That is how easy it can be ladies, I assure you there is only soup left in that pouch. Well boy, you felt your eggs scrambling could you? Let this be a lesson to the men in class, do not forget your cups. This class is about turning gonads into soup, and men that do not want their eggs turned into soup wear a cup. Olga, please drag this idiot from my class. The rest of you ladies pair off with a man and cup check them. I do not care if an idiot loses a gonad so no worries about going easy on them. And men, don not resist the cup check or I will personally make sure both of your eggs are cracked myself!

Alright now that cup checks are complete I see a few more idiots came to my class, Olga gather them into the corner and make sure each have at least one cracked egg. Students, as you can see I take safety very seriously, and Olga is preventing any future idiots from ruining our class. More idiots than usual came today so each man will pair with two ladies. I have noticed that the boys are being polite with their eyes now, so ladies, you can relax, some of you are damp down there and that is okay. Being turned on by seeing how powerful a woman can be when faced by an overly confident man is good. Channeling that energy will help you excel in my class.

I see that we are short a woman for the last group of three, do not worry Jessica, just hold him down and watch the class, Olga will join you at the end and make it worth it for you.

In each group one woman will stand behind the man to pin his arms and spread his legs. Stand behind him, grab each arm and cross them, then put one of your feet to the inside of his then do the same for the other, be sure to kick out his feet a little if his stance is narrow. Now in each group the free lady will assume her stance in front of the man, we are going to practice scoop kicks. This is an excellent move for beginners because if you miss with your instep during a rising snap kick you can fall back to the scoop kick. Also more experienced ladies will know that a well executed scoop kick allows you to not only crack the eggs, but feel them scramble as you come out of the scoop.

We will do this slowly first so that the scoop part is understood. Raise your knee and straighten your leg as if doing a rising snap kick. I see that some of you are landing on the groin with your instep, that is good but the objective of the scoop kick is to land with your ankle. Landing with your ankle allows for a shorter distance attack when a knee is not long enough and your instep would be too far. Great ladies, hold that position and slowly raise your knee and toes upward as you extract your leg. That was the scoop of the scoop kick, now lower your legs and return to your stance. In a best case scenario your ankle would have cracked the eggs on your way in and your toes would scramble the eggs on your way out.

Now boys you may feel some discomfort when this move is done full speed, the scoop tends to move the cup out of position, if that happens let your partner know so she can adjust it back into position for you. Alright ladies prepare for full speed! Knee! Ankle! Scoop! Well done, I see some cups need adjustment, that is a sign of perfect technique, and in a real fight would mean scrambled eggs. Now everyone prepare to scoop kick again, stance up, and go! I see an idiot did not make sure his cup was adjusted. Everyone pay attention, this is what happens to an idiot when they let their cup go out of position, I can feel what happened, the edge of his cup was placed over a gonad and the force of the kick was concentrated onto a single gonad, splattering it. This idiot's mistake should be a lesson to everyone, ladies can defeat a cup if they want to. And boys, it is your responsibility to make sure your cup is properly placed.

Class, Olga has returned from her private lesson. Olga, Jessica is holding that man for your demonstration. Everyone else relax and watch, Olga is going to show what a master of egg scrambling can do to cupped gonads. Jessica get the man onto his back and pin the arms to his chest. I will describe what Olga is doing so you beginners can understand. The pinned man in the black shorts is wearing a cup, but pay attention to the shape of the fabric over the cup, with experience you can tell when a man is wearing a cheap cup, or as I prefer, a soup cup. Olga is holding his legs under her arms to make sure he can not block a stomp. She is holding her knee up to make sure her aim is perfect, because being slightly off means her foot will slip to the side of the soup cup. While such a strike might crack an egg, Olga is a perfectionist who makes sure all of her cracks are with purpose and not accidental. Now that Olga's heel has stuck that cracking sound was the soup cup living up to its name. The cup shattered in a predictable way, a ridge of cracked cup was powered by Olga's heel into the gonads and made soup instantly.

Thanks for the excellent demonstration Olga. You have proven your egg scrambling ability and I will have you instruct next week's class. Olga's dress code will be a bit different than mine. Be sure to wear your best ballet gear. Tutus and tights are optional, but leotards and dance shoes will be mandatory. I will be there to assist Olga's first class and make sure the dress code is followed. If any idiots arrive out of code I will crack their eggs with my knee. As homework ladies, find more men for class as this season's men have been particularly dumb. Remember that the men at the bar across the street are easy to convince, I trust that some of you will join me in extracurricular lessons there tonight. Class dismissed.