Vibe Check Champion (Chapter 6)
[Link to previous chapter](https://old.reddit.com/r/BallbustingStories/comments/pazaxb/vibe_check_champion_chapter_5/)
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## Chapter 6
It somehow got hotter and smellier in my room, but I sat there on my computer in silence, suffering with both ice packs stabbing into me, trying not to breathe. My back was feeling a bit better, but my nose and mouth sure weren’t. I brushed and brushed and scrubbed and scrubbed, and I could still taste Trista’s sock every time I took a breath.
“Knock knock! I got you a surp…” Mom said as she opened my door, then her face scrunched up. “Did something die in here?”
“Wasn’t me,” I said as Mom marched over to my windows, stepping on my sleeping bag as she opened them fully.
“You should air this room out, something’s real stinky in here.” Mom took a few steps on my pillow as she put a hand on my shoulder. “So, I hear you had a spill down the steps today. Is your back doing okay?”
“Yeah, I’ve just been up here since the morning, must’ve lost track of time.” In actuality, I just didn’t want to be seen by those two since the… the incident. “These ice packs helped.”
“Need a nice floor massage?” When I nodded no, Mom began kneading her feet into my pillow. “You sure? It’ll be real easy! It’s like walking on a comfy… well, floor! And all you have to do is just lay there.”
“Like my pillow?”
“Exactly! You see how much you’re missing out on?” Mom laughed as she marched in place while rubbing my shoulders. “So, do you want to know what the surprise is? Can you smell it?”
I faked a sniff to please her, because it wasn’t possible to smell anything in this room besides Aunt Sally’s—
“Ow!” Mom stopped massaging and bent down. “How many times do I have to tell her to air these things outside!”
I turned my computer chair, only to be met with the openings of the boots at nose-level. I could practically see the green cloud wafting directly into my—
“So, no guesses?” Mom rested an arm on my chair. “I was out shopping all day, they’re green, they’re red, they’re delicious.”
“Apples?” I started coughing vigorously as the boots moved closer.
“I know apple pie’s your favorite,” Mom patted my back, shaking the boots more and more as I lost all my breath, “but I didn’t expect you to be so excited you’d be choking on your own saliva!”
I rushed for the door as quickly as I could. I had to get some of that fresh hallway air. Stumbling into the hallway, falling on my knees, I sucked in a whole body full of breath… exactly as Mom touched my shoulder.
“Whoa, honey, are you okay?” Mom patted my back, bouncing those boots some more as I coughed my brains out. “They’re only apples. We get them all the time!”
I fell onto the ground, hoping the air down there would be fresher—it wasn’t, it was worse.
“Oh,” Mom said, poking her foot in my back, “so you did want my famous massage after all!”
Mom placed Aunt Sally’s boots down on the carpet right near my head, then stepped up with both feet.
“I’m going to need all the concentration I can get. Focus all my energy on your hurt back.” Mom placed a foot near my head, wiggling her toes as I continued to cough. “And you see which socks I’m wearing today? Green apples! Your favorite!”
“That’s really nice, Mom, but I don’t need—”
“Don’t be silly.” Mom did a few little hops on my shoulders. “Both pies still have 10 minutes in the oven, so we’ll make this an extra long one.”
I stared into the black hole of Aunt Sally’s boots, wondering if a human could hold their breath for 10 minutes without dying. Guess there’s no better time to try than now, because I’d never be able to convince Mom to stop once she got started. Although, to be honest, this felt much better on my back than two stabbing ice packs.
* * *
Mom reached into her shopping bag and whipped out her latest purchase.
“Surprise!” Mom waved around a foot-pillow with a target pattern on it. “Now we don’t need to hurt my American flag one!”
“You know you’re right,” Aunt Sally said, resting her feet on the stars and stripes, “I’ve been using this one all day. These things are pretty comfy.”
“And now we have two!” Mom hugged the target pillow, then placed it on the couch and flopped down into my spot. “My feet hurt and I’m super tired from shopping all day, so I think I’m going to sit this one out. Queen’s orders!”
“That means British Bobby gets to take the leaderboard.” I clapped and cheered as Trista groaned. “How about I be the cameraman today.”
“Fine, fine,” Trista said, rolling into her usual spot. “Just do whatever boring intro you want fast so then I can win.”
“It better be extra funny today,” Aunt Sally said as she stood up with a foot on the couch. “And then I can hold the camera while you two battle it out.”
Mom clapped. “That would be perfect. Then I can just lay here and relax like a queen!”
I put my fingers up in a rectangle, then began looking around the room for the perfect angles. My skills were definitely going to make this the best episode ever. This one was going to get so many more likes than Mom’s directing.
“Oh, before we start,” Mom said as she dug through her bag, “I bought a little something.”
“No way, no how,” I said, taking a few steps back as Mom ripped off a huge piece of red tape. “What the heck is that for?”
“For shutting your stupid British mouth!” Trista said as her and Aunt Sally both cracked up.
“No, silly, it’s for…” Mom patted it on my crotch, then ripped and placed another one.
“A big red X?” Aunt Sally asked. “What’s that for? The buried treasure?”
“Well,” Mom said, “because of last time. You know… his stomach.”
Aunt Sally burst into laughter. “I can’t look away!”
“I agree!” Trista said as she held her stomach. “He looks absolutely ridiculous.”
“Like the perfect target!”
I felt myself turning redder as I tried to rip it off, but Mom smacked my hands away.
“Don’t touch! Queen’s orders!” Mom patted it back down. “I don’t want you to get hurt there again, so this is off limits!”
“But it’s 50 easy points!” Trista said.
“It’s worth 0 now!” Mom glared at her. “I need grandchildren for the royal throne one day.”
“You just didn’t want anyone else to catch up to the champ,” Aunt Sally said. “Good tactics.”
“That has nothing to do with it. It’s for all of our safety.” Mom patted my pants again, then spoke in a British accent. “But the queen is royalty, she *does* need to keep her golden lineage alive.”
“Well I think it’s great!” I said, giving Mom a kiss, but only because it meant I could take the lead again super easily. With their unfair advantage taken away, this’d be a piece of cake—and I am the *true* vibe check champion after all.
“Okay, okay,” Mom said. “Everyone get in their positions. Let’s make it seem like it’s a normal day.”
I grabbed the camera, ran up the steps while getting myself into British mode, then began shooting as I walked down.
“British Bobby here, walking through the forests of—hold on, what’s this? It’s the rare Queen Mom, relaxing after a hard day of labor.”
Mom was laying on the couch, enormously fake smile on her face, presenting her American flag foot-pillow to the world.
“Some sort of weird mating ritual.” I slowly panned across Aunt Sally. “And this is the rare Black-Footed Aunticus, resting on some sort of peculiar, concentric colored circles. She wandered into the camp a few days ago and—”
“These are my favorite!” Mom shoved her green apple socks in the camera. “Tell them about the—”
“Mom, you’re ruining my—”
“This is America, buddy!” Trista smirked as the camera fell on her. “We do what we—”
“And this is the Redbutt Sistericus, as loud and as annoying as ever.” I gave a little chuckle as I walked behind her. “As you can see, she’s in her usual pose, kicking her long, gangly—”
My balls exploded as I fell to my knees, dropping the camera onto the carpet.
“X marks the spot!” Aunt Sally yelled.
“Are you okay, honey?” Mom smacked Aunt Sally’s leg as I fell on my face. “Groan if you’re okay!”
They all laughed when I made a noise, but I really did feel down for the count. The pillow smashed one of my balls directly while clipping the other one. The center of the X must’ve magnetized the pillow straight for it.
“I’ll go to the freezer and get you some—”
Aunt Sally picked up the camera, pointing it at Mom.
“Aunt Sally gets her pitching aim from me,” Mom said as she laid back down on the couch, looking like a queen as she flipped her hair back. “I promise I’ll get you some ice after. You’ll be okay, that foot-pillow was really soft!”
“And this is what sisters do to annoying brothers who speak British!” Trista leaped on my back, slapped my butt hard, then ran around the couch screaming. “This is America!”
“25 points for the vibe check!” Aunt Sally said as she nudged the target pillow into my ribs. “Double points if you hit her with that.”
“You can still catch up, honey.” Mom clapped. “And I love your British accent!” She instantly transformed when the camera pointed at her, posing and waving the American flag pillow. “Welcome to America’s Funniest Home Hits! Episode 2!”
I groaned into the ground again, taking a few moments to recover. I couldn’t just lay here, looking weak on camera, and I had to absolutely destroy Trista for all the stuff she did to me.
As Trista circled the couch near me, I leaped up like a lion. Grabbing the target with one hand, I unleashed the hardest vibe check I could with the other.
“Vibe check!” I smashed her so hard, she flew up and over the couch. “50 points!”
“You go, Bobby!” Mom clapped and cheered. “You just took the lead!”
I made my way around the back of the couch, target in hand, expecting to find my sister sprawled on the floor, holding her ass and crying like a baby, but when I turned the corner, she wasn’t there—that definitely meant she was on the side near Mom!
I prepped the pillow in my hand, raised my arm back as far as it could, then ran full-speed around the corner.
“Airplane!” Both of my balls were completely compressed by her heels as she lifted me up, then got crushed to pancakes as she tossed me on my back.
“Perfect execution!” Aunt Sally said as she stepped up and over my stomach to get another angle.
“He’s completely out of breath,” Mom said as she sat up.
My balls were in so much pain, and I didn’t want to hold them in front of the camera, but I had to do something.
Trista stood above me, smirking as she picked up the pillow and shoved it on my cheek. “20 points!”
My head compressed completely into the carpet while I yelled. She balanced for a few seconds with both feet, then hopped right off, taking the pillow with her.
“Looks like he’s down for the count!” Aunt Sally rested her foot on my shoulder, nudging her toes on my cheek. “Announcer Aunt’s giving him until the count of 10, then I think this episode is officially over!”
As Aunt Sally started counting down slowly, her nuclear socks turned the air around me into toxic waste, so I held my breath, feeling myself getting dizzier and dizzier. I had to beat Trista today, I just had to.
After I pushed Aunt Sally’s foot away, she nudged my ribs, rolling me over.
“And he’s alive at the count of 1!”
I completed a pushup, and right when I was about to stand up, my entire body slammed onto the ground.
“Vibe check! Extra points! And…” Trista wiggled her butt into my back, then grabbed my shoulders, yanking hard. “Backbreaker!”
I screamed as she bent me back further, so far back that, through my tears, the American flag foot-pillow was staring me right in the face.
“Hi, honey, you’re doing great!” Mom split her feet in a V as she looked down at me. “Trying to get a closer look at your queen’s amazing green apple socks?”
I struggled and jerked as Trista dragged me forward, resting my chin on the edge of the couch.
“Wow, is that a new move?” Mom wiggled her socks an inch away from my eyes. “When did you learn that one?”
“I taught her that while you were out! Said it would make him oink like a pig.” Aunt Sally stepped on my butt as she made her way around the couch, trying to get a better view. “And you know you just lost the lead by a few points.”
“Did I?” Mom smiled as she pressed her toes on my forehead. “Does that count as stepping on his head?”
“Sure does!” Trista said as she slapped my butt, laughing when I yelped. “But I’m still in the lead! I just got more points!”
“You can’t win against Queen Mom.” Mom scooted forward, then rested both feet on the top of my head. “Footrest Head! 30 points!”
Trista vibe checked me, then bent my head back even further so Mom’s feet fell off. My spine felt like it was going to break.
“Stop it,” Trista said as I screamed, “your noise is going to ruin the video!”
“100 points to stop that squealing!” Aunt Sally said as she slapped Mom’s leg.
“Squealing?” Mom cracked up, wiggling her toes. “What is he, a squealing pig?”
“He acts like he’s from a British nature documentary!” Trista said as she bounced on my back. “What do you expect?”
“100 points for keeping my little royal piggy quiet, huh? I do love the idea of Queen Mom staying in the lead…” Mom chuckled as she reached down and peeled off one of her socks. “Sorry, honey, but it’ll only take a split second… Just imagine it’s the best green apple you ever ate!”
I screamed as loud as I could until everyone yelled “Queen Mom—100 points!”… everyone except for me, of course.
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[Link to next chapter](https://www.reddit.com/r/BallbustingStories/comments/plxfik/vibe_check_champion_chapter_7/)