Turn Your Head And Cough

\**This is the first time I've ever posted a story on here. I'd love to hear what you think.\**

“Well Mr. Seth,it looks like we’re just about done here,” Dr. Donna said as she took one last look at Seth’s chart.

“Does that mean I can put my pants back on?” Seth asked as the air conditioning in the doctor’s office sent an uncomfortable breeze up his gown. 

“Almost.There’s just one more thing,” Donna said with a twinkle in her eye. 

“Of course there is,” Seth shrugged.           

“And for this part you’re going to have to take your underwear off too, I’m afraid.”           

“What?”Seth complained.           

“I know, I know,” Donna replied sympathetically, “nobody likes this part, but I need to test you for a hernia. Now come on, the more you resist, the worse it’ll be.”

“Fine,” Seth said. He didn’t want to come to this check up in the first place. He only came because his company made him, and judging from everything that had happened so far, he was right to think this was a waste of time. He appeared to be as healthy as a 25-year-old,and he didn’t need some doctor who looked even younger than that to tell him so. “So how does this work?” Seth asked as he slowly brought his boxers down to his ankles. “You just take a look down there and see if I have a hernia.

”Dr. Donna giggled at that, causing her boobs to bounce up and down in a way that even the perpetually grumpy 38-year-old Seth couldn’t help but enjoy. “It really has been a while since your last check-up. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I need to take more than a look.”

Seth let out a high-pitched gulp as,without warning, the pretty young doctor cupped his balls in her hand. “Hey,what the hell do you think you’re doing? Let go.” Seth protested as he tried to pull his testicles out of her grasp.The second he put his hand on Donna’s wrist his whole body began to tremble and shake. Donna’s gentle grip had become a powerful squeeze. Seth’s body was racked with pain.

“Calm down,” Donna said.Her face remained calm, friendly, and professional even as she strangled her patient’s nuts. “I know this is procedure can be… uncomfortable, but it is necessary to make sure that you are healthy.” Seth’s head twisted back and forth as he tried to cope with the pain. His grip on her wrist was slowly weakening. “If you don’t let do this, I can’t rubber stamp your work form, and you won’t be able to keep your job.”

“Can’t… breathe,” Seth panted.

“I’m only squeezing this hard to keep you from pulling away. In my experience once you let go of a patient’s nuts there’s no way he’ll give them back to you. If you promise not to pull away I will loosen my grip, and we can finish this uncomfortable but necessary examination.Can you do that for me?” Donna asked, never losing her warm smile.

“Ahhh yes yes I promise, just stop squeezing so hard.” Seth’s lip quivered as he spoke.

“Wonderful,” Donna said, and Seth exhaled loudly as she loosened her grip to just a firm cupping. “Now, I have a few final questions I have to ask you, so I say do them and the hernia test at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone as it were.” Donna let out a youthful giggle at her own joke as she rolled Seth’s balls around in her hand.

“Whatever you want.” Seth wheezed. 

“That’s what I like to hear. Question number one, do you have any history of testicular cancer in your family?”

“No.” 

“That’s good,” Donna smiled. “I like to keep my patients NICE and HEALTHY,” she said,flicking each of his testicles once for emphasis with her free hand and causing him to inhale deeply. Normally such a flick probably wouldn’t have hurt too bad, but after that squeeze his balls were extra sensitive. 

“Careful with those.” Seth protested.

“Sorry. Question number two, when was the last time checked yourself for testicular cancer?” 

“What? Never.”

Donna gasped and Seth recoiled violently as she gave his tender orbs a hard open-handed slap. “Shame on you Seth. How could you be so neglectful of such an important part of your body?”

“Why did you hit me?” 

“To remind you the importance of taking care of your testicles, now answer the question.” She responded, slightly tightening her grip.

“I guess I never learned how.”

“Well why didn’t you say so, Seth? I’d be happy to teach you. Testicle examinations are one of my favorite parts of being a doctor.”  

“I can see that,” Seth snarked.

“Cute. Here’s what you do, you just isolate a testicle,” she explained as she did so, placing his left nut between her thumb and index finger, “and feel around for lumps.  

Seth screamed as Donna roughly played with his nut, running her fingers over every inch of his ball. Tears streamed from the grown man’s eyes. “Stop. STOP! PLEASE LET GO OF MY NUT!” 

“Oh I’m sorry, did I pinch you too hard?” Donna said with a smirk. “I was just trying to be thorough.”   

“Mission accomplished there,” Seth squeaked as he clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“Shall I check the other one?” Donna asked, sliding her fingers to his right testicle.    

“Do I have a choice?”

“You always have a choice, Seth. I can’t do anything without your consent. “I’m just asking you to consider your health. After all how would your wife feel if you came home today missing a ball?”

“Why would I leave here missing a-?” and a fresh wave of fear overcame Seth as he looked into his doctor’s eyes again and for the first time saw no warmth in them whatsoever. “Ok, do what you want with righty, just please make sure I leave here with everything I came in with.” 

“Glad to see I’ve made you value your testicular health. Donna pinched his right nut hard. Harder than she handled the left one. “What’s this?” She mused as she rolled the testicle roughly in her hand.” 

“My nut.”Seth whined.  

“Well duh, but this is serious, I think I found something.” Seth screeched like a banshee as his doctor pressed her fingernails deep into his nut meat. She twisted and dug and her nails all around the backside of his ball. He thought for sure it was going to pop when suddenly she stopped pinching and resumed her loose cupping of both testicles. “Nevermind. I thought I felt a lump, but it was just my imagination. So that’s how you check for cancer. Just fiddle around down there and see if you find any lumps. Any questions?” 

“Did you have to use your fingernails.”  

Donna let out throaty laugh. “No, I guess not, just your fingers will suffice. I can be a little overzealous with my tests, but you can’t be too careful with testicles.” 

‘You aren’t careful enough,’ Seth thought to himself. “So was that it? Are we done here?”  

Donna hit herself on the forehead with her free hand, “silly me, I forgot to check for a hernia.” She once again isolated his left nut, this time holding the chord in her thumb and index finger, and using the rest of her hand to grip the ball itself. “Now, turn your head and cough.”  

Seth turned his head and let out a weak little snort.

“Oh come on, you call that a cough?”  

“Sorry,” and Seth let out a louder but still feeble excuse for a cough. 

Donna sighed, “guess we have to do this the hard way too.” Donna came down on his left nut with all of her strength, even pinching his chords. Seth started gasping loudly for air and coughed profusely, each cough firing another synapse of pain through his nut. He hunched over, his back now level with his doctor’s face and his face hanging even below her and below his own groin.

“Ok,” Donna said, “now the other one,” Donna switched nuts, and gave him the same horrible squeeze. It was even worse on his even more battered right nut. Seth coughed loudly,his head facing the floor. “Keep that head turned, sweetie,” Donna reminded,using her free hand to guide his head by the chin to the side. He could barely make out the “HANG IN THERE BABY” poster on the wall.  

“AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH” Seth screamed through coughs, his face now completely covered in tears and snot.  

Donna loosened her grip, looked Seth soothingly in the eyes and said “Was that so hard?”  

“Why me?” Seth groaned.“ Aww, poor baby.” Donna said,patting him lovingly on the back with her free hand. “This has been a rough day for you and your little nutsies hasn’t it?”  

Seth nodded dumbly, being too short of air to speak.

“Well don’t worry. You only have one more question, then we’re all done.”  

Seth tried his best to pull himself together. “Ok,” he grunted, “ask away.”  

“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?” 

“Huh?”  

Seth spit onto the floor from the pain that came next. Donna had struck his nuts again,but this time it wasn’t a slap, it was a full strength closed-fisted punch. “Answer the question.” Donna said with some urgency. 

“Why? What does that have to do with my health-?” Seth was cut off by the hardest squeeze yet to both his baby makers.  

“I think you’ll find this question very important for your health. Not just in this life but in the afterlife too.” 

“Please…”he begged weakly, “stop…”    

“If you think this hurts just wait until you meet Satan. I’ll ask you once more time,” Donna put lowered her free hand down so now each hand was clutching one of Seth’s balls,  “have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?”  

“Yes,” Seth lied. “AAOOUCH!” Seth shrieked as Donna pinched his chords.

“Don’t lie to me, Seth. You’re chords move when you’re lying.” 

“Ok, I’m not a Christian. You got me. I don’t believe. I’m sorry. I’M SORRY. PLEASE LET GO I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.” 

“There’s only one way to save yourself Seth. You have to give yourself over to Jesus,and ask for his protection.”  

“Ok OK.”  

“Repeat after me. Oh lord Jesus in heaven.” SQUEEZE.

“O-oh lord Jeeeeezus in heaven.”

“Please forgive my sins,”

“P-p-p-please forgive my s-s-sinnsssss” he hissed out.

“I give to you my mortal soul.”

“Igivetoyoumymortalsoul,”Seth said so quickly the words blended together. 

“As I gave to your humble servant Donna my balls,” Donna said with a mischievous grin and a rough pull of his sack.  

“AAAAAAAHHS I gave your humumumumumuumble servant my BAAAAAAALLS!”           

“Amen,”Donna said, and with that she released his balls, and give him one final uppercut punch, sending him falling to the ground and clutching his nuts like his life depended on it.

Donna got up and walked over to the counter. “Alright,” Donna stamped Seth’s form. “you’re all set. You’re a perfectly healthy man who is more than capable of continuing at his job. All I ask is that you start going to church every Sunday.” Donna’s high heels clicked against the floor and her dress swayed around her legs as she approached the door.

“Do I have to?” Seth asked with the last of his strength, barely able to raise his head.           

“Doctor’s orders.” Donna winked.