A Very Special Episode of Martha Stewart - Part 2

“Hello and welcome back. For those of you just joining us, this is a very special episode of Martha Knows Best: After Hours. The topic today is testicle torture. In our first segment we created what’s known as an Indian Wrap to slowly crush our creep of a stage assistant, Roger’s balls. We will check back in with him later in our show to see the progress with him.”


“For this next segment we are going to stay with the theme of older torture techniques. This time we make our way from the Native Americans of the United States and travel across the globe to the ancient orient.” The audience oooooohs with excitement.


“This will be a play on what was called Chinese Water Torture. Traditionally, Chinese Water Torture involved captive enemies. They were typically bound to a chair and a leaky hose would be set up above their forehead so that the water would slowly drip onto the middle of their forehead. The effects drove the captives to madness after a couple days.” Gasps make their way from audience members.


“We do not intend to cause insanity here on the Martha Stewart show, but I am confident some of our male ‘volunteers’ would argue that our methods may drive their pain to those levels,” Martha chuckles.


“What I find most interesting about the Chinese Water Torture is the water itself. A single drop of water, so small, very little mass, the source of life. You get a drop of water on you and you wipe it off like it’s no big deal. However, the ancient Chinese subjected to this torture were driven mad by it. The repetition of it. Over and over again. Never getting dry. Never being comfortable. Not being able to sleep and slowly losing their sanity.” Martha says grimly.


“My take on it is a little different, as you will soon see. Shall we begin?” Martha asks.


“Yes,” the audience responds hesitantly.


The curtains raise up once more and reveal another table loaded with various crafting supplies. Next to the table, once again, another man saran wrapped to a post in the floor of the stage. This time the saran wrap is yellow. The saran wrap tightly binds the man from his ankles to his neck. He too has a red ball stuffed into his mouth and duct tape wrapped around his head to keep the ball in place. He is an older man, roughly in his late 40s, early 50s. He is moderately overweight as evident by the bulge at stomach height of the yellow saran-wrapped mass. His hair is graying and matches the color of his large bushy eyebrows.


“Audience, this is Ted. Say hi, Ted.” Ted is only able to mumble into the ball gag. Some of the audience chuckles.


“Ted was a producer for me on a previous show. He used to always pinch the women’s asses around the sets. I would also constantly catch him staring at my cleavage during crew meetings. He has been volun-told for this next segment.” Mild applause from the audience.


“Ok, so back to my variation of the Chinese Water Torture. For my variation, we will still be using slowly dripping water. Only, it won’t be directed onto Ted’s forehead. No, it will be dripping into a bucket……a bucket attached to Ted’s testicles.” Now, the audience was back on board. Cheering and hooting once more.


“The slowly increasing weight of the bucket on Ted’s balls will serve two purposes. One, it will pull them away from the body, causing a very painful stretching feeling. The average testicles can be safely pulled about six inches away from the body before any major damage may occur to the tubes and connective tissue. The second purpose will be a squeezing effect. We will attach the bucket to his balls by means of a ‘parachute’” Martha uses air quotes gestures while saying the word parachute.


“This parachute is crafted of leather and goes around the base of the balls. Rope, string or chains are attached to the sides of the parachute. Not only will the sides of the parachute be pulled down towards the ground, but they also naturally pull inward, squeezing the testicles between them.” The audience applauded enthusiastically.


“So let’s get to work on the parachute now.” Martha walks back to the table, stopping first in front of Ted. She looks him up and down and gives him a quick little backhand to the small bulge just below his protruding stomach. The stomach bounces in it’s binding and Ted winces in pain. Ted groans into his ball gag. A couple women from the audience giggle.


“The testicle parachute is a pretty common device found in many sex shops. In our case, since I am Martha Stewart, we will quickly make our own. First, I downloaded a template on the internet for the cut of the leather.” Martha holds up a paper trapezoidal shape for the audience to see.


“Next, I trace out our template onto my cow leather sheet. This is a standard square foot sheet of cow leather. It has already been tanned and treated so it is strong and can hold up to lots of weight.” Martha laughs to herself, biting her lower lip with excitement.


Martha traces out the template onto the leather and cuts out the shape using a strong set of shears. “Once the leather has been cut to shape you will have this.” Martha holds up the leather.


“When we fit it onto Ted’s testicles we will wrap it about the base of his testicles like this, the outer edge is where we need to put our holes for attaching the bucket.” Martha curls up the leather to demonstrate its final shape.


“There are two ways of placing the holes in the outer edge. We can evenly space out three to four holes so that the weight is evenly dispersed around the testicles, causing more of the pull than the squeeze effect. Or, we can place the holes on either side so the squeezing effect is greater.”


“Squeeze them, squeeze them, squeeze them,” the audience chants.


“I guess that settles that. Sorry Ted,” Martha jests sarcastically.


“Ok, I will use a standard leather hole punch to make the holes. Two closely placed holes on either side. So now we have our mounts.” Martha punches the holes and holds it up for the audience once again.


“Now I will use a rivet gun to punch our clasps into the edge here so that we can clasp the parachute around Ted’s testicles.” Martha curls the leather up, pointing to the two sides of the leather where they meet.


“There we go. Our parachute is just about ready.” Martha punches three clasps into each side of the leather. The female portion of the clasp on one side and the male on another.


“Lastly, I think we need a little decoration. After all, this is Martha Stewart. Let's write something on here. Let me think. Hmmmm. Hahaha. Oh yes, I think I’ve got it.” Martha grabs a gold paint marker and pops the cap off. She begins writing something on it, and follows it up with her soon to be trademark, crying emoji underneath it.


“Ball breaker.” She announces proudly and holds it up to the audience for approval. The audience erupts with cheers.


“Ok, lets try out the fit now.” Martha walks over to Ted with her safety scissors in hand. She cuts another horizontal slit in the layers of saran wrap, similar to how she had done with Roger. Once she gets down to the skin she reaches her hand and feels around for his balls. Ted’s balls had slipped behind his legs a bit, with his legs held together so tightly. Martha forces her hand between his legs and locates his balls at last. She grips them firmly in her strong and skilled hand and pulls them out through the slit in the saran wrap.


“There we go. Ted’s balls are a bit bigger and droopier than Roger’s. This will work out great for our technique.” Martha grins and cups Ted’s balls with her right hand while facing the audience. Pretending that while lifting them in her cupped hand that they have some weight to them. She lets them fall to the saran wrap, brings her right hand up, and with a quick open palm sweeping motion, gives the balls a solid thump. Ted groans loudly into his ball gag and attempts to curl into a ball, but the saran wrap keeps him solidly in place. His eyes wince shut as he grimaces with intense pain. The women in the audience gasp and laugh at this.


“I gave Ted a little love tap to his balls. If the balls are swollen and a little sore, the squeezing and pulling effect will be more greatly felt.” Martha lifts her open palm up again, this time a little higher, almost shoulder height, and lets it down yet again onto Ted’s exposed balls.


“I had to give him one more, just to be sure.” Martha winks at the camera and once again the audience cheers. Meanwhile, Ted’s toes are curled, he is breathing hard into his ball gag and nose, trying to catch his breath. His face is bright red and new wrinkles have emerged from his brow and the sides of his eyes.


“Ok, let's put the parachute on.” Martha walks back to the table and sets down the safety scissors, she walks back over to Ted with the parachute in hand. She grabs either side of the parachute and pulls it up from behind his balls. She pulls the sides together and clasps them securely when they meet. Once Ted’s balls are secured inside the parachute, Martha inspects the fit. She tries to put a finger between the parachute and the base of Ted’s balls but it is quite tight.


“Perfect fit, I can’t even put a full finger in. There should be just enough slack. We watch it to be tight so the balls cannot slip back through and escape our torment. But we also want it loose enough so that blood can flow freely, and Ted’s brain can get the signal from his testicles when they start screaming.” Martha laughs as well as many in the audience.


Martha places a hand at the base of the parachute, presumably on Ted’s pelvis, and uses the other to rotate the parachute so that the clasps are hidden from view and her ‘Ball Breaker :’( ‘ design can be seen.


“There, that’s better.”


Martha walks back to the table, grabs some cord and scissors, then reaches down below the table and pulls out a box. From the box she removes a pink two gallon pail and holds it up for the audience.


“Let’s connect the bucket now. The bucket I have selected is pink. We want his testiculure torment to be painful as well as embarrassing. To think, the very essence of this man’s ‘masculinity’ will be brought down by a child's pink sand pail and a couple drops of water.” The audience chuckles. Some women exchange glances and comments with their friends.


Martha closes the box, turns it on its side and sets it at Ted’s feet. She then places the pink pail on top of it. She ties two, one foot, lengths of cord to the holes on the left side of the parachute. She then flips the handle of the pail up, pulls the cords through and ties them off in the holes on the right side of the parachute.


“That should about do it.” Martha stands back with her hands on her hips and looks Ted up and down. She smiles at Ted’s vulnerability and predicament. She pauses for a few moments to bask in the glow. Then without any warning, takes a couple steps towards Ted and kicks the box out from underneath the pail. The pail falls down a couple inches and the cords through the handle pull tight. The pail swings abruptly from the force of the kick. Ted’s balls dance up and down, swing side to side, supporting the pail's erratic swinging and bouncing movements. Ted grimaces once more. Many women in the audience gasp and cover their mouths at Martha’s abrupt actions.


“Perfect. The pail is tightly tethered to Ted’s testicles. Wow, that was a lot of ‘T’s. Tightly tethered to Ted’s testicles. I like it.” Martha laughed as did most of the audience.


“Now for the water part in this water torture.” Martha looked off stage and nodded to one of her female stage assistants. The assistant walked out to Martha dragging a thin plastic pink tube. Three feet from the end of the tube was a small brass spigot. She gets to Martha and hands her the end of the tube.


“Is the water turned on Paige?” Martha asked.


"Yes Ma’am,” Paige replied.


“Great! I don’t want to be holding this tube all day so we will need to secure it. For this I will just use some duct tape.” Martha grabs a roll of duct tape off the table and steps back to Ted holding the tube and duct tape.


She sets the end of the tube just inside the top of the pail and tapes it to the inner rim. She then carefully brings up the tube to the side of Ted, making sure to give lots of slack in the tube. She pulls more of the duct tape and places it on the back of Ted’s hip like a belt, presses the tube against Ted’s hip, and continues to wrap the duct tape all the way around Ted’s waist until the tape is back to where it started. She then continues to make a second loop around Ted’s waist, reinforcing the first.


“We don’t want any slips of the tube.” Martha smiles. Martha tugs on the tube on Ted’s hip to make sure it’s secure. She verifies that there is some slack between Ted’s hip mount and the end of the tube in the pail.’


“Perfect. The tube is tightly secured, so it’s not going anywhere, much like Ted.” The audience laughs. “I also made sure that there is a good amount of slack between the end of the hose and our mount on Ted’s hip. This is important because as the pail fills with water it will continue to sag lower and lower as it pulls and squeezes his balls. We don’t want the hose mount on Ted’s hip to support the weight in any way. It’s just going to be gravity against Ted’s fragile manhood.” Most laughter comes from the audience.


“Now for the fun part. The water! Just like we did with Roger, this can be a slow and drawn out torture. But we want to see instant results. So let's let it rip.” With Martha’s last comment Ted’s eyes lit up, as big and bright as a deer caught in the headlights. His panting got heavy once again, struggling to get enough oxygen through his nose alone.


Martha reached down and found the spigot a few inches back on the tube from behind where the tube had been taped to Ted’s hip. She twisted the little brass spigot two full rotations until a steady stream of water began flowing into the pail.


The camera women came in close to film the action. She first panned in on Martha turning the spigot on, then filmed the water flowing into the pail. The audience watched closely on the screens above and began chanting, “Fill it up. Fill it up. Fill it up.” The audience had become electrified with excitement.


As the water slowly began to fill the bucket, it slowly began to sag. The strings looped through the pail’s handle became taut and straight. The parachute sides pulled down and inward while the front and back flared out a little bit. Martha stood back and walked around, ensuring that everything was secured and going as planned. Every once in a while she would stick her foot out and give the pail a little kick so she could watch the water slosh around, the pail to swing, and Ted’s balls to strain under the changing pressure.


“This is coming along quite nicely I would say. It’s nearly a quarter full now. With a gallon of water weighing a little over eight pounds, and this pail with a two gallon capacity, that would mean that there is roughly half a gallon of water in there, nearly four pounds of water pulling down on his balls right now.”


The audience meanwhile, continued to chant, “Fill it up. Fill it up. Fill it up.” The same assistant, Paige, came out with a small stage lamp and set it up next to the bucket and clicked it on. The light shown through the bucket showed the water line nearing a quarter full. The audience cheered and continued their chant. Eagerly shifting their glance from the stage to the close up shots on the monitors of the pail and Ted’s strained balls.


Ted became more and more animated as the pail continued to fill. His toes curled and stretched. Sweat streamed off his red hot forehead. His eyes squinted harder and harder revealing even more wrinkles. His breathing had become very erratic and he intensely groaned from behind his ball gag.


When the pail reached nearly half full, Martha went back and turned the spigot off. When she did this, many women sat back down in their seats. A loud awwww came from the audience. Many folded their arms in disappointment. The remaining men in the audience, shocked and uncomfortable. Worried about the ideas swirling around in the heads of their significant others or female friends also in attendance.


“There we go!” Martha exclaimed. “The pail is halfway full now, one gallon of water. There is roughly eight and half pounds of force pulling down on Ted’s balls right now. His balls are stretched to roughly four or five inches. Right now every instinct in Ted’s body is screaming. The death of his balls is the only thing on Ted’s mind. Look at him.” The camera panned directly on Ted’s strained face and panned out. His belly heaving under the saran wrap from his desperate breathing. Yellow saran wrap bulged and wiggled in nearly every part of Ted’s large body as he fought the intense pain. The majority of the women seemed to really enjoy watching Ted struggle and writhe in pain.


“I can tell the balls are nearly at their breaking point. So now, we will find out which drop of water will do it. Which single, tiny, insignificant drop of water, will permanently destroy this man. Is it drop #25,000 or drop #30,000, or drop #30,001.” Martha chuckled. She turned on the spigot once more, only turning it roughly 1/8th rotation until a single drop came out of the tube. She waited and counted the seconds, one, two, three, four….ten. Then another drop came out.


“Hmmm, a drop every ten seconds. That’s not nearly fast enough I don’t think. A little faster.” Martha then twisted the spigot another 1/16th rotation. Drip. One. Drip. One. Drip.


“There we go. A drop every second. If we keep Ted on a drip per second regimen and there are roughly 3,600 seconds an hour. Do you think Ted’s balls will last the hour? Do you think Ted’s manhood will last 3,600 tiny little drops of water? Stay tuned and find out!” Awww once again came from the audience. They wanted instant gratification. Martha, on the other hand, is wise beyond her years. A heavily experienced ball buster, knows that the best things in life come to those that wait.


“In the meantime, before we move onto our next segment let's check in on Roger.”


A small curtain at the back of the stage pulls away revealing Roger. Still tightly bound in green saran wrap. He is a complete mess. His whole body is trembling and shaking under the green saran wrap, to give it the appearance that the green blob is vibrating. Tears, sweat and a little snot are streaming down his face. His stomach is sinking and rising sharply underneath the saran wrap cocoon. The three cameras’ feeds are now shown on the overhead monitors for the audience to see. Many are shocked, some delighted. A handful of audience members cheer. Martha walks to the back of the stage to where Roger is tethered.


“Wow, you’ve made it this far. It looks like the drying process has slowed down considerably, without me using my hair dryer. The wrap has only constricted 1 or 2 percent by my estimates. Should I grab my handy dandy hair dryer out to speed things along a bit more?” Roger violently shook his head to which Martha laughed in response. The audience response was mixed, many cheered at the hair dryer comment. Some shook their heads, presumably to keep it like it is. A few others were starting to feel bad for him.


“Haha ok, ok. I won’t speed things up any faster than they are. Besides, this is my favorite part anyways. The long slow squeeze of doooooom. We seem to have found the sweet spot before they go, SPLAT.” Martha chuckled again.


“Ok, well now we have two ‘men’ both with impending testicle death knocking at the door. Who’s balls give out first? Do we show mercy and let them go? Or do we turn it up and watch the balls give out before our very eyes? Find out later in the show. Another segment and another pair of balls to torment is coming up next!”


The curtains fall and Martha, Roger, Ted, and the table are all hidden behind. Paige and the other assistant come out from the sides of the stage to Martha.


“Ok, ladies. Be very careful when you move this one. A slight jostle of the bucket could be the straw that breaks the camel's back, or I guess in this instance, breaks the camel’s balls.” Martha tells the assistants.


“We will be extra careful,” Paige replies. And with that the women get to work, pulling up pieces of the stage, pushing Ted very slowly into position next to Roger, and replacing the stage pieces once more being very careful not to tug on the hose attached at Ted’s hip. More cameras are set up capturing Ted’s face and balls. The camera showing Rogers' body is adjusted to get both men in the shot.


Once their work is done, Paige once again makes her way over to Roger. She reaches down and playfully swats his hardening leather bound balls. “Hang in there….loverboy.” She laughs and makes her way off stage once again.