A Very Special Episode of Martha Stewart - Part 4 (Final)
Muzak is playing overhead on the studio speakers as the women finish locking in their votes on who’s balls to ruin. Martha is off stage to gather her thoughts before the final segment of the show.
A curtain at the rear of the stage still obscures Roger and Ted from view, however many of the overhead monitors still show the five image split screen view of Roger and Ted deep in distress. The Indian Wrap has now shrunken roughly 35%, cripplingly compressing Rogers encased balls. The water in Ted’s bucket is about 75% full. Roughly one and a half gallons of water are pulling down on Ted’s balls with almost 14 pounds of force.
Carlos remains at the front of the stage bound to his post in red saran wrap. A close up split screen of his face and his balls trapped in the Martha Press is shown on some of the other studio monitors. The inflatable cylinder in the Martha Press continues to fill and stretch out, pressing the floating middle board down onto Carlos’s balls harder and harder. Carlos’s balls remain helplessly trapped in the rapidly shrinking gap between the two boards. The gap is now only half an inch wide, which is having a devastating effect on Carlos’s large testicles.
On the remaining studio monitors the live data from the audience vote is shown in the form of an infographic. Across the top of the infographic are the three men’s names: ROGER TED CARLOS. Each name is written in a colored box matching the saran wrap used on each man; green, yellow, and red. Below the boxes containing their names is a headshot image of each of them. Finally, below each headshot are the live results of the vote for them. Destroy XX% Save XX%.
As the voting continues, loud chatter can be heard from the audience. The stage assistant Paige sneaks behind the red curtain at the back of the stage hiding Roger and Ted from view. “And how are we doing back here gentlemen?” Paige asks coyly.
Paige steps over to where Ted is standing and glances in the bucket, being very careful to stay out of view of the wide angle camera. “Not looking good for you Ted. Those balls have to be in such agony with that big mean kiddy bucket pulling down on them,” Paige teases mockingly. “I wonder if they will even make it to the voting results. Awww poor poor old man.” Ted fumes but is helpless to do anything in retaliation besides breath heavily into his ball gag and nose. He is still beet red and very sweaty, trembling in pain.
Paige pivots in place to face Roger. “You…….you are who I am actually here to see,” Paige says with a cold tone, any hint of joking or teasing is now gone from her voice. “I wanted to give you an update on the vote. It appears that most of the women have taken pity on you. I don’t know if it’s because you're young and cute or because you were the first ‘contestant’ to be rigged up or what, but they seem to want to show you mercy,” Paige said gruffly.
Roger’s head continued to bob slowly while Paige spoke to him, just on the edge of consciousness. He did however, perk up when he heard Paige say the word ‘Mercy’, that word registered at least. He seemed to snap out of his pain-driven euphoria. He lifted his head up and slowly opened his eyes to a tight squint through the terrible pain.
“Ahhh, that you heard. Welcome back. Now that I have your attention I have a confession to make……”
“I was the one that offered up your name when Martha and the women of the staff had our staff meeting to brain-storm and iron out the details for this episode,” Paige continued on. A look of realization came over Roger’s face and for a brief moment, anger flashed. The anger quickly faded as Roger was hit with another wave of pain.
“Yes, Roger. It was me, I suggested we use you. When I found out that you were cheating on me with Cindy I was consumed by anger. I wanted to teach you a lesson and for weeks I was contemplating how. Then when Martha approached the staff about her idea for the show, the opportunity presented itself. I was ecstatic!” Paige exclaimed with enthusiasm.
“I wanted to teach you a lesson, one that you would never forget. One that you would carry around with you always, a constant reminder. And here we are!” Paige paused for a moment so that her words could echo around in Roger’s brain and haunt him for years to come. “The problem is, those softies in the audience are going to let you off the hook, as I mentioned earlier. Because of this I will have to work quickly,” Paige said with purpose.
From behind her back Paige pulled out Martha Stewart's hair dryer from before and held it up in front of her to show Roger. “Remember this?” Paige teased. Roger’s eyes bulged out, full knowing of what that will do to his Indian Wrap. He thrashed around frantically under his green saran wrap binding, holding him snuggly in place. His eyes were wild with anger and fear. Paige flashed him a cute but deadly smile and bent to plug the hair dryer into an extension cord conveniently placed at Roger’s feet.
“Oh c’mon you big baby, there are worse fates,” Paige teased. “I only have a couple minutes until Martha wants to resume filming, so maximum heat it is.”
Paige turned the dial with the flame on it to five, the maximum setting. She then slowly squeezed the trigger controlling the air, gauging the noise that it put out. “Not bad, with that terrible loud music playing from the stage speakers and the audience talking, nobody will hear a thing,” Paige declared. She squeezed the trigger harder yet and now the scolding hot air was coming out of the hair dryer pointed at the floor at maximum velocity. Paige quickly glanced around at the five cameras and stepped off to the left side of Roger, out of view of all the cameras. She pointed the stream of hot air directly at Roger’s balls about a foot away, careful to not be in view of the close up camera filming Roger’s balls.
“Working as a stagehand has its perks. I know all the blindspots,” Paige said cutely and grinned at Roger. She continued to fan the stream of hot air directly on Roger’s balls trapped tightly in the shrinking wrap. She did not pull it away every so often as Martha had, to let them cool. She didn’t care and she didn’t have time. However, she was careful not to blow it on the saran wrap. Melted saran wrap would definitely raise some red flags if Martha noticed.
The wrap shrunk to 40% of its original size. Roger continued to thrash about. He tried to scream for help but the tightly taped ball gag worked well. His screams were mere muffles, inaudible over the sound of the hair dryer, and definitely inaudible over the loud overhead music.
“I turned the stage music up a little louder than normal for this last commercial break. So far nobody has seemed to notice. Haha” Paige said smugly. “This thing sure is tightening up quick. Not long now!” Paige continued blowing the extremely hot air across Roger’s helplessly trapped testicles, crying their final notes.
“60 SECONDS UNTIL THE SHOW CONTINUES. EVERYONE TO YOUR SEATS” is heard over top of the music on the studio speakers.
“Shit, I might run outta time. I gotta get out of here.” Paige looks around frantically. She moves the hair dryer in closer, now within half a foot away from his balls, dangerously close to being in frame on the close up testicle camera shot. “Dry fucker dry. Crush those balls,” Paige grumbles.
The leather continues to darken and appears to be getting very hot, the wrapped pouch is steaming slightly. Roger’s thrashing begins to slow as he wears down and the initial adrenaline subsides. Moments later a small ***SQUICK*** sound comes from the hard brown leather wrap. The wrap suddenly drops from 40% shrinkage down to 60% and Roger’s head drops to his chest. His body slumps slightly in his restraints and now appears to be fully supported by the saran wrap. He has passed out.
“YES!” Paige exclaims to herself excitedly as she does a quick fist pump with her other hand. “Let that be a lesson to you asshole. Enjoy your sack of mush.”
“30 SECONDS UNTIL THE SHOW CONTINUES. QUIET ON THE SET.”
“Shit shit shit.” Paige releases the trigger on the hair dryer immediately. Not soon after the hair dryer spins down does the music turn off. She quickly unplugs the hair dryer at her feet, glances around one last time, and slinks off backstage.
The audience goes quiet and Martha returns to the stage once more. The producer at the front of the stage counts down the final seconds silently with the fingers on her hand. Five, Four, Three, Two, One, and points to Martha.
“Hello, and welcome back to the thrilling conclusion to this very special episode of Martha Knows Best: After Hours,” Martha starts. “Our topic today has been testicle torture, a personal favorite of mine. I have had so much fun over the last hour torturing these testicles with some of my favorite tools in my arsenal.” The audience applauds as Martha glows with pride and joy.
“We started in the USA with a classic, the Indian Wrap. We then went clear across the globe to China where I did a play on a Chinese Water Torture. Finally, I dazzled everyone with an invention of my own device called the Martha Press. All three tortures have been successfully applied with incredible results.” The audience cheered enthusiastically.
“Before our final break, I tasked the audience with deciding the fate of the three men today. Will they spend their remaining days as healthy, intact, virile men or as ball-less eunuchs. Well, let’s find out!” Martha exclaimed with great optimism.
Martha reaches into her pocket and pulls out three index cards. “In the case of contestant number one, Roger, our Indian Wrap beneficiary, the audience voted……” A drumroll is played over the speakers. “He gets to keep them. 73% of our studio audience said that he gets to keep his balls. Aww, that's too bad. Ok, we will free him up shortly here.”
“In the case of contestant number two, Ted, our Chinese Water Torture beneficiary, the audience voted……” A drumroll plays again over the speakers. “He also gets to keep them. 54% of our studio audience voted for him to keep his balls. That was a close vote! A couple more votes and pluck pluck….his balls are plucked from their stems,” Martha jokes cruelly.
“And finally, in the case of contestant number three, Carlos, the first ever Martha Press beneficiary, the audience voted…..” Drumroll. “Waah wahh waaaaahh” Martha mimics a game show game over sound byte. “Bye bye ballies for him. Only 27% of our studio audience thought that he deserves to keep his balls.” Martha has a giant grin on her face.
“Well, let's get right to it! First, let's free up Roger and Ted. We can’t wait too much longer or there may be nothing left to save.” Martha nods to the side of the stage and the red curtain at the rear of the stage slowly lifts revealing Roger and Ted bound to their respective posts by the tight saran wrap. When the curtain clears their heads some members of the audience gasp when they see that Roger is passed out.
“Uh oh, it looks like Roger couldn’t handle the pain. It looks like he may have passed out.” Martha chuckles.
Martha walks to the back of the stage and first attends to Ted. “You lucked out this time, asshole. I am going to take this off of you for now, for appearances, but my stage crew may conveniently forget to unwrap you. You better hope I am in a good mood after the show,” Martha says very quietly to Ted as she lifts the handle of the very heavy pail with her left hand and unsnaps the parachute around Ted’s balls with her right. Ted's balls immediately retract up towards his pelvis in relief, but still hang down at very low three inches below the opening in the wrap.
Martha carefully sets the heavy pail of water on the ground and lets the testicle parachute fall to the side of the pail. She straightens up and turns to face Roger.
“Oh Roger, what happened to you?” Martha said with false empathy in her voice. She lifted the Indian Wrap with her left hand but immediately let it fall back down. The Indian Wrap was very hot and she wasn’t prepared for the heat. “Hmmm, that’s curious,” she said softly to herself.
She then continued on and lifted the wrap back up with her left hand, careful not to touch too much of it at one time due to the heat. With her right hand she felt around the wrap until she located the end of the leather strip. She used her nails to pry the hot, hardened leather away from itself until she had enough free to hold onto. Gripping the end tightly she slowly pulled the strip away, using great force to get it to separate. It was extremely hard and did not want to change shape from its current form. Gradually she was able to get the first layer peeled back. The inner layer was much easier, it was lighter in color than the outside. It still had a little moisture to it and the leather didn’t stick to the skin as much as it stuck to itself.
Once the wrap was completely off Martha examined Roger’s scrotum. “Oh my,” she exclaimed, trying to contain her excitement. “It appears that one of his testicles has been completely crushed. Once the testicle was crushed, its contents slipped out of the wrap and went anywhere there was free space,” Martha stated calmly as she pulled off the two pink testicle cuffs with ease, her fingers poked and prodded at the remaining testicle and the remnants of the other. “Yep, we definitely crushed the one. Apparently we were a little too late to save them both.” Some women in the audience gasped at this. Others cringed, especially the men. And a handful of audience members laughed or clapped a couple times. Roger’s head stayed on his chest. He remained unconscious.
“Alright, now that we are finished with Roger and Ted, let’s move back to Carlos.” The audience slowly started to cheer up and began clapping. Martha moved back to the front of the stage where Carlos was bound helplessly, enduring the harsh treatment from the first of its kind, Martha Press.
“Well Carlos, are you having fun yet?” Martha mocked. Many of the audience members laughed. “It looks like you are fairly close now, but in the essence of time, let's turn it up a notch.” Martha reached up to Carlos’s gas mask and turned the dial on the regulator five clicks.
“There, now 30% of the air he is breathing out is feeding the Martha Press,“ Martha declared proudly. “Can we get a microphone for his gas mask and balls please?” Paige came out from the side of the stage with two microphones, one clip on and one on a post. The clip on microphone she affixed to the top of the red saran wrap at the top of his chest below the gas mask. The microphone on the post she adjusted to sit right next to the shrinking gap in the Martha Press that contained his nearly flattened balls.
Two camera women moved in closer to get better shots of his face and balls. A split screen of the two camera shots are shown on every studio monitor. The whole audience falls silent and strains to listen for any sound. Carlos’s face can still be seen through the visor of the mask. Cracks are forming in his stern composure as the pain becomes too much to hide any longer.
*Inhale……Exhale.*
*Inhale……Exhale.*
*Inhale……Exhale.*
The inflatable cylinder continues to fill at a steady pace. Most of the wrinkles in the sides of the cylinder are out now, giving way to a smooth, shiny, rounded black wall on the cylinder. The only wrinkles that still remain are a couple near the top of the cylinder where it is pressing into the board crushing Carlos’s balls. Slowly, those too begin to disappear. Now the gap is only a little over a quarter inch wide, his balls are at their breaking points.
*Inhale……Exhale.*
*Inhale……Exhale.*
*Inhale……Exhale.*
Martha stands back as if Carlos’s balls were a bomb about to go off. Audience members remain absolutely quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Many in the audience lean forward in their chairs and stare intently at the screens above them. Some are feeling a little squeamish and watch with only one eye open.
*Inhale……Exhale.*
*Inhale……Exhale.*
*Inhale……Exhale.*
Carlos’s tough guy façade fails. Suddenly, he starts thrashing about. The red saran wrapped blob is alive with activity. The red wrap bulges and bends at every joint. He starts shaking his head, in pure desperation to try and get the gas mask off of his face. It looks like a cartoon tornado with all the furious activity. His breathing has increased. His balls have only a few moments remaining and every instinct in Carlos’s body is trying to save them.
*Inhale……Exhale.*
*Inhale……Exhale.*
The mad thrashing finally begins to slow down a bit when all of a sudden. ***SQUICK***. The board applying the pressure goes down an eighth of an inch. Carlos lets out a massive breath as his head slumps down onto his chest. ***SQUICK*** and the boards are pressed nearly flat.
The audience and Martha are all in a stunned silence. Many audience members keep staring up at the screens, their brains trying to process as much information as possible. The only thing shown on the screens is a slumped head on the left side and on the right a successful Martha press, two boards nearly flush against each other with a shiny black cylinder on top and another board on top of that.
After 15 seconds of stunned silence a slow clap begins. More begin to join in clapping. Soon everyone is clapping, louder and louder. The audience starts to stand. People start cheering, others hoot and whistle. Thunderous applause. The audience is going crazy. Martha takes center stage and beams a large smile proudly. When the applause continues she begins to bow like a stage performer having completed their magnum opus.
Gradually the applause fades. “This now concludes our program for this evening. Thank you so much for tuning in. We will see you next time. Testicle Torture…..it’s a good thing.” Martha smiles into the camera as it slowly pans out and fades to black. The main curtain goes down on the front of the stage and all the lights in the studio turn on. The audience slowly begins to make their way to the exits as most of them chatter away amongst themselves.
Behind the curtain, the assistants emerge to clean everything up and put away the equipment. Martha begins to walk off stage when she sees Paige and pulls her aside. “Paige, you and Roger used to have a bit of an office romance did you not?” Martha inquired.
“Yes, I suppose you could call it that,” Paige replied sheepishly.
“Uh huh,” Martha affirmed. “Things ended poorly did they?”
“Yes ma’am,” Paige answered.
“I see,” Martha responded. “I found it a little curious that Roger’s Indian Wrap was extremely hot to the touch, despite not having any hot air blown on it for well over half an hour. Do you know anything about that?”
“No ma’am. I don’t know anything about it,” Paige replied, slightly panicked.
“Ok, just checking. Curious thing,” Martha mused as she chuckled to herself. “Ok, that’s all I had for you.”
“Ok ma’am. Thank you….Thanks,” Paige responded awkwardly.
Martha and Paige resumed walking in opposite directions for a few paces when Martha stopped and turned around with a giant smile on her face. “And Paige,” Martha called out.
“Yes ma’am?”
“Keep up the good work!” Martha said with a knowing wink.
Paige picked up on the wink and formed a large smile herself. “Thank you!” Paige spun around quickly and skipped over to where Roger and Ted were still restrained to assist the rest of the stage crew with clean up.