I'm feeling suicidal but I can't bring it up with anyone I know, and I don't know how to deal with these feelings...

I have had depression before and improved after talking with others. People look at me differently now. I love my family and friends, but most of them don't understand me and I don't want to worry or bother anyone else with my problems again. At the same time, I don't know how to cope with these bottled up feelings....

Honestly just typing this out for myself mainly. I know people can't help me if I don't talk about my problems, but ranting here is just another way for me to try (and possibly fail) to cope.