Liberation from masculinity

Something I enjoy about Femdom, but in particular the more gentle strain is hard to articulate, but it might be called ‘liberation from masculinity’. FWIW, I’m a cis male sub, and I’m 34.

For a dominant in this style of dynamic, liberation from masculinity might mean freedom to act in her own interest, to centre her own pleasure away from the male gaze. To be unapologetically demanding and sensuous on her own terms and be celebrated for it. It’s easy to see why this style of dynamic would be considered liberation for a domme.

However, the dynamic offers liberation for the submissive too, from the confines of masculinity. At it’s more obvious end, this can involve things like CBT, chastity and CNC feminisation, but I think in almost all Femdom arrangements, the greatest departure from more traditional understandings of masculinity is the removal of the assumption that you are a threat.

YMMV, but for me being a threatening presence seems to be part of masculinity, whether you’d wish it or not. And frankly, I hate it. I hate the idea of being feared, I’m saddened that my presence might make people scared.

I understand it, certainly. You’d have to be a complete ignoramus to deny that men are statistically more likely to be a danger to themselves or others, and you’d have to be shockingly self-centred to even contemplate telling someone that they should let their guard down around you before they feel comfortable to.

Alongside this propensity for violence comes a raft of other associations too: your love is portrayed as a lesser kind of love than a woman’s, your kindness is seen as more transactional, your needs more bestial and your happiness as downright hegemonic. Again, assumptions that are grounded in bitter experience by those who’ve been hurt by your kind, as understandable as they are sore.

But Femdom offers release from this. When in a dynamic, or in a scene you are no longer a threat, but a plaything. Your physical prowess (or the spectre of it) ceases to be a danger. When you pick your partner up, it’s not to carry her away, but to put her on your shoulders. Your single-mindedness becomes about serving her. Your power is used to clear a path for her and shield her as best you can.

You can be your gentle, supportive, uxorious self and for a brief shining instant be taken at face value, to be seen as you wish to be seen, and not as someone angling for something.

I’d be lying if I said that’s why I got into Femdom. I got into it because I like being stepped on and I’m attracted to women (mostly), but damn if it hasn’t been a pleasant surprise.