Dommes need aftercare too

I’ve been having great conversation with an amazing domme here (shout out to: u/goddesscaraz) about the mental state of subs, and especially those who struggle to maintain a healthy balance between their real life and their sub life (something I’ve also struggled with).

In the course of our conversation, we discussed the emotional effects of dealing with subs who are mentally taxing. Day in and day out, the domme often plays the therapist role - especially for a struggling sub - acting as both a source of comfort and an ear to listen.

As part of this therapist role they need to be careful not to intertwine their natural dominance into the advice and guidance they’re giving, as tempting as that may be.

Some subs literally go broke and are broken by ruthless dommes…only to end up in the arms of a compassionate domme during their recovery process. This act of nurturing a broken sub requires time, patience and understanding by the now therapist domme. According to GoddessCaraZ, the process of “nursing a sub back to health” can be mentally exhausting and equally as frustrating.

And what does she get in return for her efforts? Well, she’s now “in possession” of a recovering sub who may or may not want to reward that domme for her healing and recovery efforts. She may not have required compensation, but certainly these efforts often go unappreciated, especially financially or gift wise.

Further, now that this recovered sub is free to spread their wings, they often may neglect this mothering domme for greener pastures (or at least what they think is greener pastures - until they end up broken again in a relapse).

Does that sub then turn back to her for more self care? Likely. And now the mothering domme is stuck deciding whether to the do ethical thing as a human or to require this twice broken sub to now reimburse her for her services.

Was this domme signing up to be a therapist on top of their daily lives and life as a domme? Likely not. So, the morale of the story is dommes need some aftercare too. Especially when dealing with emotionally draining sub and their complicated scenarios.

Playing a role and always “being on” to appease and pleasure a sub can also be draining for the domme. Especially if the domme is treated as a kink dispenser. The exertion the domme dispenses does take its toll, physically and emotionally, despite any reward she receives.

So, while we often focus on providing us subs aftercare, and it is a vital part of ensuring we become a loyal sub, it’s apparent our beloved dommes definitely require aftercare as well.

Letting them take a mental break from our demands so they can indulge in their favorite hobbies and put effort into their normal lives. Ensuring they stay connected with friends, family, partners, and get emotional support from other dommes, it’s vital we subs give dommes their space to heal and recover too.

Maybe sometimes we can even give them something to nurture themselves (hello spa day). But let’s keep in mind how exhausting participating in this kink is, especially among dommes who manage several varied d/s relationships as they try to navigate the minefield of often fickle subs.