There’s no “winning” in findom.

I’ve been doing some self reflection recently and just putting some observations out there in case it’s helpful for anyone new or interested in the scene or struggling for self identity.

1) Findom is not a game to be won or conquered. There’s spikes of excitement, satisfaction and enjoyment, hits of adrenaline and lots of lows (mentally, financially, etc.)

But there’s nothing to really win per se. especially financially (as a sub). so, if you’re competitive by nature and don’t like losing, it’s probably not the “sport” for you. No matter how you slice it.

2) if you’re attracting the wrong type of dynamic you’ll never find satisfaction in findom.
Any sub who says they can’t find an amazing domme or dom here is probably struggling either what they really want from a domme / dom, resorting to with bad habits or making poor decisions.

Yes, the market is over saturated and yes there’s a lot of noise, but there are amazing dommes / doms out here who aren’t boldly advertising themselves or coming off desperate. They quietly assert their confidence and inject their opinions when necessary. So, just do your diligence and you’ll seek what ye shall find dynamic wise. Don’t settle for a dynamic in despair.

3) honestly, there’s nothing that can replicate an irl dynamic or experience. I’ve spent a very long time (20+ years) participating in various aspects of IRL and online domination, along with variations of findom, and sure, you can find what you need online and scratch whatever itch you have. But eventually the thrill of participating solely online will subside a bit.

So, my advice is to go try to have an irl experience. Buy someone a drink or coffee. Go to a strip club or meet up. Do something that takes you away from simping on your keyboard and into the uncomfortable reality. You may find you don’t like it as much as you thought or you may want to find something more fulfilling. Just don’t suffocate yourself with simping behind a keyboard. It definitely messes with your psyche.

4) be financially responsible. Remember there’s no winning here, and it’s a lot like gambling without monetary returns, so just ensure you’re not causing irreversible harm to yourself financially in your enjoyment.

Anyway - for those who are on the fence about getting involved, quitting or struggling to find their footing here, the best advice I can give is to make sure you’re in the right headspace. If you want to quit - get support. If you want to play - make sure you’re making sound decisions and not rash ones.

Think beyond the send. Do you need that money in a few days? If so, maybe just put the send on a shelf and wait.

There’s no trophies for participating here. No awards or medals to hang on a shelf. Just emotional - and at times - physical pleasure or abuse.

Happy subbing and stay safe out there.