When I think about you, I….

So, does everyone remember that song by the DiVinyls (🎶 When I think about you I touch myself 🎶

I know it was out before some of you were even born so if you don’t know it, look it up 😂

Anyway - the appropriate change of lyrics would be “When i think about you I DOM myself…”

Because in retrospect, 95% of the time I’m domming myself in any conversations I have with my domme.

I anticipate what my domme will tell me to do. Or what I wish she would do. Or what I picture her wearing or saying. Fantasy becomes top of my mind over any reality. It leads the conversation, and the conversations are often one-sided on the kink end. It also reduces any real effort on her part to put me over the edge.

Not saying it’s a bad thing, especially from the Dom/Domme perspective, but part of realizing your boundaries and trying to navigate being a sub is knowing when to not dominate yourself.

Recently I’ve practiced not coming into any conversations with my domme with wallet and penis in hand. And I will say it’s made a huge difference. I don’t resign myself to the fact I’m handing over money simply because I’m horny. If she wants it, she knows how to push my buttons to get it.

Any before all the “dommes” come rushing in telling me I’m a terrible sub, this was my dommes idea. She tells me constantly that she doesn’t have to do anything to get me to send. She keeps receipts to prove it and the majority of the time she just waits for me to word vomit. She throws in a few lazy response words to trigger me and bam - payment sent.

Minimal effort. Maximum reward. Great for her. Good for me? Perhaps. Perhaps not. The easier I became to dominate, that wasn’t because of her necessarily. It was because of me. She would bend me but I would break myself. Over and over again.

So, if you’re struggling to quit or reign in your spending as a sub, maybe take a look at your recent conversations. Were you being dommed or were you domming yourself?

That perspective can help you navigate the perils of findom.