A New Vanilla(?) Keyholder Appears

I should start with some relationship context. My wife and I have been married for some time, we have school aged children. However both pregnancies were medically complicated situations that traumatized her. Even being naked around me she’d feel incredibly uncomfortable because it could lead to arousal that could lead to sex and more bad consequences (I was previously a dominant-initiating male). Nothing was nonconsensual, but probably most of our sex was falling into partner-pleasing for her. Trauma isn't rational. It wasn't always like that, for the first 10 years her sex drive was way higher than mine.

Things came to a head when we had no intimacy for months, I was tired of attempting to initiate only to be put down. I was upset when our anniversary passed and after a wonderful romantic entire day together, I was turned down again in the bedroom. So we had a real conversation about it and that's where the information above was revealed.

I didn't know how to react, that my wife was scared of me in a sense. That was my number one concern, and specifically scared of intimacy, something I craved because I love and treasure her. She is and always has been my goddess.

She was always straight vanilla with kinks. I was always open to anything that floated her boat. My personal kinks were BDSM / control exchange play. She indulged in a handful of play sessions early in our relationship, but decided plain vanilla sex was all she wanted at the time.

So with all that background, I suggested we try out a chastity cage. The proposal was simple, she has always been the one to lead our relationship within our household so I wanted to make that dynamic official and let her have control of when and how we have sex. That way we could be intimate and she could feel safe that nothing was happening unless it was on her explicit terms.

We talked it out and I even wrote it up formally for her to review the next morning. She decided she wanted to go straight to month-long locks, with PIV sex permissible during her menstrual cycle (again the pregnancy concern). We included rules important to her such as no ‘sex pestering’ and rules important to me such as no ‘lock and forget, daily tease.’ Along with many others including a little ceremony where I formally verbally submit to her after my daily hygiene and hand over the key with a kiss.

Wearing the cage changes how I feel and think. My focus is exclusively on my keyholder in a strange blissful fuzzy fog it puts me in. As the cage gently squeezes me, denying erection, there's an ache and urge that drives me crazy but at the same time I love and knowing it's from being restrained by a device my partner has control of is paradise.

We started slow. First month with all my extra sexual energy going into our family and not masturbating, she got the typical uplift of a more dedicated, sensitive, connected husband. I felt like I was on a low grade high the whole month. Her favorite tease was getting topless, having me strip naked except for the cage of course, then requiring me to scratch her back for hours as she lied across my lap. Massages, foot rubs, basically nonsexual body worship were her preferred ways of satisfying our agreed daily play.

We were unlocking at night for bed, but found that after a week the nighttime longing for her was getting bad and keeping the cage on overnight helped. The first actual sex we had was the PIV during her cycle as agreed to, orgasms were out of this world male moaning and whimpering from me. She locked me up the next morning after the first night and said she’d let me out again next month.

Next month is now and we're about halfway through, she has started to grow into her role much more. She wears the key at all times now, visibly at home so I know she has it. The first month she simply hid it. She knows our roles and that I will do anything she requests eagerly, that I will follow her lead and trust her guidance. So she communicates directly now in a way she never did before in our marriage.

During one of her topless back scratches she pulled her shorts and panties down and said, “Thrust your finger into me.” That's completely out of character for her, I did as commanded. After a few minutes she asked me to “Now rub me with your other hand and index finger.” Again, I did as she demanded without a word and started rubbing her clit. She corrected me as I rubbed and told me exactly where and how she did and did not want to be touched. It was enlightening, I learned preferences I never knew she had. Then I admittedly went out of bounds and leaned down and started licking her there as well. She didn't seem to mind. After a few minutes she suggested we play with a G-spot stimulator I got her a while ago that at the time she was apprehensive about. She admitted she had been using it in secret and likes it, so I went to work with that while she stroked her own clit. Within seconds she climaxed and the way my groin ached and was literally trembling for her at that moment was unbearable.

She never unlocked me for any of that, and I think it was her first “Ah ha!” moment that sex and intimacy with this arrangement are different. She rolled over after the hours of worship and orgasm and went to sleep. I suffered another few hours before I could get to bed, then in the morning appropriately said "Thank you for the frustration last night, Mistress."

She's also embracing the psychological aspect of things. She doesn't hesitate to assign me any task. She wants me to be groomed for her everyday. She controls where I sit in the home and if I forget she likes to stare at me until I correct myself and she purrs, “Training takes time, you’ll learn.”

The bottom line is, this chastity experiment that began as a weekend of play turned quickly into a lifestyle that 50 days in has objectively improved so much of our relationship. We’ve never been this close and connected mentally and physically, having that little reminder for me down there, and her around her neck has some magic to it. I love seeing her grow into her latent dominant role with more confidence each day and the new ways I can please her. I also enjoy saving all my sexual activity for her, it just feels like the right thing to do and the cage helps.