The thrill is sorta gone - a reflection from a long time sub

Having been involved in findom/femdom for multiple decades I’ve definitely seen and dabbled in all aspects of the lifestyle. Lately I’ve found myself a bit withdrawn from it all.

Not because of the lack of excitement, especially when a new domme or long time domme can push just the right buttons and play with your vulnerability, and wallet.

Somehow, it’s just become not as thrilling as it used to be. And before my DMs blow up with “I can make it exciting for you subby” - no, no you can’t. There isn’t a photo or video or verbal threat or communication I haven’t seen or experienced in nearly 30 years of playing in the lifestyle.

Perhaps the availability of millions and millions of photos and videos and accounts out there just make everything look the same after a while. It’s not like the old days, where a glimpse of a dominant woman in a magazine or on the street made your heart flutter.

Now you can get anything you desire visually or emotionally without even having a human interaction. Which sort of takes away some of the thrill of the power dynamic.

Perhaps it’s become more of a side hustle from mostly desperate dommes and curiosity seekers and scammers who see others flaunting that they make major money and want a part of it too. So you end up with those who really don’t grasp the emotional interplay of it all - they just rehash canned AI phrases and filtered images to portray something they’re really not. Not that there’s anything wrong with it if you’re sincere - go and make that money - but for someone who doesn’t need to goon over a blurred photo of a sock, it just gets to be sorta meh.

Maybe it’s also because I’m older and crave more authentic experiences (my longtime domme and I started with irl dynamics). Even she is sort of over it all. Sure, the occasional side money is appreciated by her, but it’s become more low effort / low thrill that has sort of sapped the energy from our dynamic. It’s probably due to the fact we only see each other 1-2 times a year and those moments of will she/won’t she do this or that to me just doesn’t have the same impact via online communication than it does in person.

I guess when you know someone long enough and blur a friendship with d/s dynamics there tends to be ebbs and flows of the power exchange - and lately we’re both just not as energized about that.

I do love the community aspect of the kink and have had some great conversations with dommes here in the past few years. It mostly makes me sad to see their mental state when they struggle to give their time and energy to fulfilling the demands of their subs. We are all human after all and this kink can dehumanize both the domme and sub fairly harshly.

And as someone who likes to be uplifting, especially knowing the psychological toll that playing in any fetish or kink can take, I feel like sometimes I give out of pity rather than from submission. And the last thing you want to do is approach a dynamic in a position of charity. And lately my DMs have been largely desperate attempts from those just hoping for a quick dollar.

Maybe it’s just me. But the thrill of it all is sort of just gone. For the long time subs here I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. If there’s anything you’ve done to combat the apathy of the dynamic and find some joy in it again feel free to comment below or send me a message.