A Series of Unfortunate Events

You ever have one of those days, where you start to feel like it’s just a cursed day and you want it to be over? Richard was about to have one of those days. He was standing just outside of his front door looking at the ice covering everything. As he stood there, he felt like there was an ominous premonition but he waved it off as just not wanting to deal with ice. There had been some shitty weather overnight and the ice was bizarrely smooth, and now it was above freezing again meaning the surface of the ice was starting to melt slightly.

Richard didn’t really need to go out, but he had a normal routine and he didn’t want to break it, so he was still planning to go get groceries today. Before he went to his SUV, he noticed the newspaper had already been delivered and was sitting in his mailbox. Carefully making his way down the sloped walkway towards the road he was trying to zigzag a bit to avoid slipping.

He made it almost half way down the walkway before it went wrong, his right foot slipped sideways and he tried to lean and correct it just to cause his left foot to slip as well. Flailing a bit trying to recover, his left foot hit the concrete divider between the walkway and the driveway, it only stuck up a few inches and was more just a visual thing. Starting to fall he thought more about avoiding landing on his left leg and threw it out of the way, but all this meant was that he was now leaning forwards with one leg splayed across the walkway and one leg sticking out into the driveway, and between his legs was the concrete divider that is topped with a series of decorative arches. As he falls, he’s still sliding down the slope, meaning that he doesn’t come to a stop when his balls land squarely on the concrete divider. Letting out a wheeze as he lands, he ends up leaning forwards with his hands on the ground between his legs as he continues to slide over the arches battering his balls with each one.

He finally came to a stop after sliding nearly his own height down the path since landing, and having smashed his balls into over 20 of the little ridges. Feeling the cold of the ice quickly seeping through the now wet pants from the melting ice, he tries to roll off to the side so he isn’t literally freezing his balls. Making his way onto his side, he rests for a moment as the pain starts to fade. He assesses himself and notices that everything else seems pretty much fine, his balls had taken the majority of the impact when he landed. He had rolled onto his back as he went to recover, despite his experience he still figured he would be able to walk down the rest of the path without incident.

Getting his feel positioned where he felt like he had some grip, he started to lift himself up only for his fee to slip out from under him and he started to slide again. On the right side of the path there is grass covered in a light layer of snow, but on top of that snow is a layer of ice. As he started accelerating down the slope, he tried to guide himself over to the right side so he could maybe get some grip in there. Getting to the right side, he starts trying to get his hand or leg into the snow to slow himself down. Not seeing the rest of his position, he finally manages to break a hole in the ice and dig his heel into the snow underneath. The momentum of the rest of his body then shifts as his heel acts as a pivot point, all of his momentum turns into a swinging motion that drives him crotch first into the 2 inch steel square tube that he uses as the base of his mailbox.

Laying there for a bit, he quietly whimpered in pain after having caused so much damage in less than a minute. He moved to the snow and carefully got up onto his hands and knees with a distinctly broad stance for his legs to avoid touching his still extremely sensitive balls. He fetched the newspaper and then very carefully stood up on the snow making sure he pushed his foot through the ice with each step. He made it back to the front door like that and put the newspaper inside. Unwilling to be cowed by a bit of ice, he carefully made his way out to his SUV being slow and methodical with his steps. Looking at the layer of ice over the SUV he figures he’ll just warm it up and let the ice melt off rather than risking himself trying to clean it by hand. He still needed to fiddle a bit to break away the ice to get the door open, and he triumphantly goes to step in. Being an SUV, it’s fairly tall, so he grabs onto the handle and gets a foot in, but now that his position is a bit offset his left foot slips out from under him and he starts to fall. His hand having been on ice quite a bit by now doesn’t hold on as well as he expected and just acts as a handy anchor to guide himself in just the wrong direction as he drives his balls into the ledge of the opening to the SUV.

Carefully recovering and crawling into the SUV, he starts the engine so it starts warming up and then leans back to contemplate his traumatized testicles. Gingerly feeling between his legs, he can tell that they are swollen to a far larger size than normal. Eventually the ice starts to melt and fall off, the defroster having made fairly quick work of the ice on the windshield. Having had some time to recover, he was ready to get going by that point and started heading to the store. Richard lived in a fairly new little suburb that was built with the expectation that the city will grow and this suburb will eventually be surrounded by others. For now, that meant that his trip passed through a bit of rural forests, the road he was on primarily served their little suburb and the handful of farms around them meaning the ice was still on the road. Richard was familiar enough with winter driving and had good winter tires so he wasn’t too concerned about it all. Although he had his surety tested when a deer started going across the road and he swerved to miss it. His SUV started to slide some and he heard a thump as his tail end hit the deer. He managed to come to a stop, but not quite as gracefully as he’d have liked as one of his wheels was down in the ditch. He knew he’d be able to drive out, but it was a bit embarrassing.

Getting out to check on the damage, he walked over the road to circle to the other side. The road, while still icy, was nowhere near as precarious as his driveway and he was able to walk over easily enough. Checking the damage, it was surprisingly undamaged from what he could see so it must have been a light blow. Hearing the sound of the deer grunting, he went to check on it, he didn’t want to leave it suffering if it was going to die. He eventually found it a ways back as he had been sliding a surprising distance. Coming up on it, he saw it seeming to watch him, but it was making no effort to run away. He walked up and started getting closer and closer to see if there were any injuries, it continued to watch him but didn’t do anything or start making concerned noises. Finally getting up the nerve, he stepped down into the ditch to get a better look, there was snow under the ice so he was able to step through it easily enough and get up to the deer. As he got almost within touching distance the deer started to stand up. It didn’t seem like it was having any issues form injuries or anything so he just watched as it stood up. Only once it was standing did he notice just how big it was with its head being almost eye level. It seemed to look at him closely before it slowly turned to leave but before walking off it snapped out a kick hitting him squarely in the balls leaving him to crumple in pain.

It took him a while to get back up after that and he made his way through the ditch to avoid having to walk on the icy road. When he got back to his SUV he went to get back in just to find that his doors had locked on him and the keys were still in the ignition. Leaning against the door for a moment as he started really coming to terms with the day being cursed, he eventually got the energy to call for a tow truck to unlock the door. As he waited the throbbing between his legs was getting more serious and he wanted to sit down. Fortunately he went camping fairly frequently and just kept some of his more temperature resilient gear in a container on his roof rack. Carefully climbing up using the step bar, he got into the container and pulled out an odd little folding chair he’d picked up. The chair folded down to a remarkably small size and it had interested him so he’d picked it up. Unfolding it, he sat down to wait for the tow truck.

It was only as he sat there that he noticed something odd, he’d gotten used to the cold wet feeling between his legs from the melted ice having soaked into his pants and boxers, but now he could also feel a warm wet spot. Being worried that the deer might have caused some bleeding, he pulled his pants down a little bit so he had room to look down his boxers. Looking in his boxers he was initially glad to see no signs of blood, but he then saw the sticky strings stretching away from his dick. Somehow he’d managed to cum from being kicked in the balls like that, and as he came to this realization he saw and felt his dick twitch. Not sure of what to make of that revelation he sat down fairly hard on the chair without having pulled up his pants. As he landed heavily on the chair he heard a snap and felt as the chair shifted. Looking down he saw the chair seemed to have spread out, getting up to see what had happened he was sucker punched in the balls. The chair had pulled back together as he stood up, with his initial sitting position of leaning forwards, his balls in his loose boxers had slipped between the gap made by one of the hinges on the seat snapping. As he stood up, his weight was no longer pushing the two halves of the rigid plastic seat apart and they came together to pinch his balls with quite a bit of force from the steel tube frame acting like a spring.

Cursing the chair as he carefully extracted himself from it, he threw the broken thing into the woods and started waiting on the tow truck. It eventually showed up and they were able to get his door unlocked. The tow truck driver didn’t talk much seeming to sense Richard’s poor mood, just confirming his automotive association card and then leaving. Richard finally gave up on his routine and called the day the cursed day it was and went home. As he was driving home the throbbing was becoming worse rather than dulling, and he was realizing that now that he was in the warm cabin his testicles were warming up. Getting home, he went inside and got a cold gel pack and wrapped it in a dishcloth to prevent direct contact. Being at home and being done with the day he stripped off his wet pants and boxers and held the cold pack to his balls sighing in the quick relief it provided. Not realizing just how exhausted the day had made him he dozed off. Not having planned it out too well, he was asleep and didn’t notice as the dish cloth slid away on the inside and the gel pack made direct contact with his badly swollen balls. Waking up to a new type of pain and tingling in his balls, Richard looked down to see them an odd shade of blue fading to a white colour where the pack had been in direct contact in a cup shape around his balls.

Afraid of frostbite, he grabbed the heating pad that he normally put his feet on after a day out in the cold. It was a great little thing for warming himself up, and he figured it would do well for saving his balls. Getting it in position, he turned it on and went back to leaning back and resting. Feeling a few little pinches and moments of discomfort he figured it was just his balls thawing. As he continued to rest though, those feelings just seemed to get worse and he looked down to see what was happening. He happened to see a little spark hitting his sack as he was looking at the heating pad and realized that it must have a short. Grabbing the control box on the side of the pad he was greeted with blinding pain before he passed out. Coming to maybe thirty seconds later, he noticed that the living room light was out. Looking down at the pad he noticed that it didn’t have power either. It took a moment for him to register that he wasn’t feeling almost anything from his testicles. As he pulled away the pad thinking he’d see his balls miraculously healed, he was instead greeted with an angry red lump with some blackened patches where full mains current had shorted through his balls. The thawing sweat on his balls had shorted the pad and the actual flaw in the control box had gone off when he quickly grabbed it. The current had followed the sweat and started using entrances from micro-abrasions on his sack to conduct the current cooking his balls.

Terrified at what he was looking at, he threw on his pants and rushed to the door to drive himself to the hospital. Getting out onto the ice he tried to be careful but was in a rush to get going. Making it to the door of his SUV he turned and grabbed the handle thinking he’d made it. The turn he made caused him to lose traction on the ground and he was suddenly forced into a perfect split with each leg going straight out sideways. He heard a tearing sound before he blacked out again. As he went down, the pants that had been soaking wet for a couple of hours now had the crotch give out entirely. He then hit the ground and his balls, having been battered, pounded, kicked, frozen, and then cooked, finally gave out and ruptured. With his weight bearing down on them and the weakened scrotum, the destroyed former testicle flesh was shot out of his sack. Richard was not aware of it as his senses blacked out, but he let out a blood curdling scream as this happened. Living in a suburb, several of his neighbors easily heard this and went to investigate. Finding Richard unconscious at this point with his crotch exposed and partially frozen to the ice on his driveway they called for an ambulance.

Richard eventually came to in the hospital with a poor prognosis to be told to him. His testicles were a lost cause, what little was left within the sack had been cooked and was dead tissue that needed to be removed. Enough of the sack was there that they were able to trim and stitch it closed. His dick had frozen to the ice and he experienced significant nerve damage along with some damage to the blood vessels meaning he wouldn’t be able to get properly hard ever again, at best he’d bulge up a little.